My Saturday voice has not started yet. I feel pretty good this morning. A little tired, a little groggy, but maybe that is normal. I know from my last 255 days sober that 10 days sober is nothing (in terms of good I will feel ) compared to 10 weeks. I have a to do list today and I am actually going to get started on it.
In terms of tonight, I don't know what I want to do. I kind of feel like going to dinner and a movie without drinking. My sister is well aware of my struggles and would support me. However, she is one that I have a great time drinking with. Her boyfriend doesn't hardly drink at all ( I am a little jealous) and he is the one who "talked me into" drinking after my 255 days. We were at a nice restaurant, it was spring time (huge trigger for a teacher) and I REALLY wanted a glass of wine. I felt like a freight train had hit me. Seriously - I was having a full blown anxiety attack over how bad I waned one and if I was going to give in. The only time I ever remember feeling this way was when I quit smoking (which took my about 100 tries and 5 years).
He didn't really talk me into it, he just said things like "What is the big deal? Did you drink during the week? Did you drink during the day? Did you drink at work? I don't see what the problem is?" I know he wasn't purposely trying to sabotage me, he just doesn't understand bc he is someone who can have one drink a month in a social setting and be fine. He can take it or leave it and would rather leave it. He is a great guy and would never do anything to hurt me, he just couldn't possible understand the hell that alcohol brings to my life. I also know that if I stood my ground and told him a wasn't drinking, he would drop it. He really could care less if I drink or not.
I just need to stand my ground. I will see how I feel later. If I feel vulnerable or that Saturday voice is too loud I won't go.
Good for you! You have to protect your sobriety at all costs. I used to tell my drinking brain "I don't drink anymore" when it would start up. Even before I believed it, I started saying it. Now it's second nature to say it to someone else when I'm offered a drink. I said it to myself until I started believing it. You're doing great, realizing you might be triggered, and giving yourself permission to avoid the situation in order to put your sobriety first!
ReplyDeleteThat is the big difference. ..normal people can take or leave it. They do not understand why it takes over our soul and destroys us. That's ok, because we know. And they really could care less about us drinking. 1. Because people are generally worried about themselves. 2. Because they do not have to experience the hell
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