Thursday, January 29, 2015

I'm fine :/


My sister called last night to see if I as ok.  It was really sweet of her as she noticed I had been kind of quiet at the last few family functions.  I told her that I am fine.

How often do we say we are fine and is it a load of BS?  I know that it had been my standard answer for years. What are you supposed to say, "Actually, I am pretty messed up in the head right now!" People don't want to hear that. They want to hear, "I'm fine."

I really am doing ok.  I told her I'm just not drinking right now. She said, "Why? Are you going over the deep end again?"  I have had a couple of emotional breakdowns in the past where I just hide in my room, don't talk to anyone and say, "I'm fine."

I told her that maybe she just doesn't know the sober me.  She said she has been around me plenty of times sober, which is true.  I think that I am just a different person when I don't drink.  If I am drinking every weekend, I am much more hyper/manic/anxious/sensitive/depressed all the time, even when sober. When I don't drink and am not constantly either recovering from the weekend or gearing up for the next one (which is when she is usually around me) I seem to be much calmer.  I am more level headed, even keel - the mood swing pendulum doesn't seem to swing so far on either side.


  1. Being level is good. So much less exhausting and depressing. She will adjust 8 time.

  2. It's funny (ha ha and otherwise) how people react to the real, authentic us. Some just don't know how to handle it. Most get used to us. LOL.

    Someone told me once that "fine" meant Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional. Yeah...that about sums it up.


  3. Sherry - are you "for the love"?