Thursday, January 15, 2015

My definition of me

Why do I worry so much about what other people think of me?  After a night of drinking is the worst. Is is also really bad when I am suffering from anxiety and depression between my drinking weekends.

I think part of my path to sobriety is to get over this.  Now I am worried about what people will think of me if I don't drink.  I am wracking my brain trying to figure out an excuse as to why I don't drink - I am on medication, I can't sleep when I drink, I am taking a break, I need to get back it shape, etc.  I know that when I have been at a party and someone is not drinking, it makes me uncomfortable.  I may a have a short conversation with them, but then I move on.  I don't want to be the one making people uncomfortable.  I don't want people to think I am weird or no fun or worse I don't ever want them to know the true extent of my problem. It seems like if they find out, then I am screwed of ever trying to moderate again bc they will look at me either like I am a failure or that I am "at it" again.  I would say 90% of the people in my life have no idea the personal torture and anguish alcohol brings to my life bc to them I look like a happy, healthy, productive, fun person. I tell them I'm not drinking and they will look at me like I am crazy.  They don't see it all.

I HATE that alcohol is such an accepted drug in our society.  It is almost expected that you drink socially and you are looked at as the oddball if you don't.  It is just a stupid drug!  Someone asked (sorry I can't remember who to give credit) if you look at an ex smoker (which I also am) like "poor them, they can't smoke, they can't control it, that sucks for them" or "good for them, they fought that filthy habit and won!"  Its just all so stupid!


  1. If I'm honest I have to say that it's been my experience that the only people uncomfortable if you're not drinking, are those that are worried that THEY have an issue with alcohol. When I was drinking I did feel uncomfortable when I saw someone not drinking...I felt they were judging me and how much I was drinking. But that was because I was uncomfortable about how much I was drinking...I was projecting it on to other people. Turned out no one gave a rat's ass about what or how much I was drinking (unless I got drunk and made an ass of myself...which I did often). People really aren't thinking about me as much as I used to think they were. Who knew?

    As for what to tell them, I worried myself silly about that too. Turns out it was just as anti-climatic. When offered I just say, "I don't drink" and leave it at that. If they ask me why I just say, "No reason, I just don't drink." Some will take if further and ask if I ever drank or if it is because of religious reasons or what ever. Then I reply, "I used to drink and now I don't." Works every time.


  2. I noticed that too. People really don't care. Why did I think that I was so important to everyone all the time?

    1. I know right?!!! It's so liberating when you realize that you don't enter people's thoughts nearly as much as you thought you did.

      A little humbling too. ;-)