It's like I am fighting with myself and the part of me that would be proud of myself is losing when I choose to drink. I know that I feel better and am a better person when not drinking.
I used to tell my kids to pay attention to that feeling you get when you know you are making a bad decision or getting yourself into a bad situation. Pay attention to that. It is your conscience and if you listen to it, it will serve you well and keep you out of trouble. Once again - time to take my own advice.
I have that very same feeling when drinking..like I know that what I am doing is not the best choice for me. Just like a child, I am giving in to an impulse to fit in or bc I think it will make me happy or just bc I want it and I can drink if I want to damnit! I do get that feeling (my conscience) telling me that it isn't the right choice for me, but I just ignore it and rationalize with it and tell it that everything will be fine..that two beers isn't a big deal. It feels very immature.
Plus it is easier to just not drink, ever, than to open that door back up and invite in all the rationalizing and deal making with myself just to be able to poison myself with an addictive drug.
Sobriety is definitely easier, for me, than moderating. It is easier when it just isn't an option.