Day 1 of vacation - lessons - 3/25/18

Well, I had one beer at the airport yesterday with the hubbs.  My excuse - Elysian Space Dust is one of my favorite beers and we were in Seattle where the brewery is so why not.  I only had one but here is what I noticed:

While waiting for the beer I was getting really agitated with the waitress who was taking forever to serve us.  I think I just really wanted that beer...not a good thing.

After having the beer I had intense cravings to have another. We were split up on the plane and I was sitting with my 19 yo son.  I wanted to order a beer on the plane so bad that it was all I could think about.  I was almost to the point that I didn't even care what he thought, I just really wanted one and was going to order it the next time the beverage cart made it down the aisle. Well, that took forever and by the time it made it to me, my craving had passed enough that I asked for a ginger ale (instead of seltzer). If I was with dh, I probably (in all honesty) would have ordered another one.

I kind of timed it out and really paid attention. I drank a 20 oz beer pretty quickly in the airport. An hour later, I was really feeling it. Two hours later , I was really craving another one. Three hours later, the craving had passed. Four hours later, I was glad I didn't get another one.

I am not upset that I had that one in the airport. It was nice to sit there with my dh and have a beer. What I did notice is that if I don't drink at all, ever, I might have cravings once in awhile to deal with...but are they worse than the cravings to have another once I start? My really bad. I may only have the cravings once or twice a month. If I am having a beer here and there, not only do I still have the craving to drink but it intensifies once I have alcohol in my system to have more. Then my judgement is also impaired making it more likely that I do drink more. I had a dream last night that I was at a festival and that I wasn't going to drink. I had one and then, in my dream, I gave into the cravings and had like three more and got wasted. When I woke up, I was so glad it was a dream.

So here is the million dollar question...is having one once in awhile even worth all the mental turmoil that comes with it. Is it just a better idea to leave it alone and deal with the difficulty and challenges of that decision, rather than be occasionally drinking and dealing with the challenges of that decision? At least when I am not drinking, I only have to deal with the cravings to drink. I don't also have to deal with the desire to keep drinking once I start.

I think in extended sobriety I am mentally addicted to drinking. But, once I have alcohol in my system, I almost feel like it turns into a physical craving.

I definitively think it is physically easier to just not drink. I am wondering if it is actually easier mentally to not drink at all. 

Almost like don't feed the beast in order to keep him quiet.  It is a weird thing.