While skiing, and not feeling well, I was having all these thoughts about moderation. They were triggered by one comment my son made on the way up. He said, "Your sister mentioned getting a place in the mountains for President's Day weekend and wanted to know if we wanted to go." That one sentence made me want to moderate. I just didn't feel like I could get excited about the trip unless I allowed myself to drink. I notoriously drink on any kind of vacations. Vacations - or even the thought of them in the future have always derailed my attempts at sobriety in the past.
The Likely Cause of Addiction Has Been Discovered, and It Is Not What You Think
"Professor Alexander argues this discovery is a profound challenge both to the right-wing view that addiction is a moral failing caused by too much hedonistic partying, and the liberal view that addiction is a disease taking place in a chemically hijacked brain. In fact, he argues, addiction is an adaptation. It's not you. It's your cage."
I really think that is true. I think (because of the article and my thoughts yesterday and my altitude sickness) I really need to get back to the gym, start taking care of myself and learning how to make connections and live life in a more active way. Not just sit on my couch afraid to participate in life because I don't want to drink.
I am going to my sister's for dinner tonight. My choices are
1. Drink = be social, happy, energetic, talkative. (Not a good option because of the mental/emotional/physical implementations)
2. Isolate myself by sitting by myself, being quiet, being not quite sure how to act, uncomfortable (how I usually act sober but maybe not changing my cage)
3. Truly changing my cage - trying to learn a new way to socialize, connect with people, be happy, be comfortable in my own skin (the best option but the hardest to accomplish)
I'm going to try #3. We will see what happens.