I feel like kind of a mess for the past couple of days. My sleeping is all over the place (nine hours to 4 hours-up at 3:00 am). My energy level is all over the place (cleaning out my crawl space to laying in bed watching stupid reality tv). My emotions are all over the place (sad/depressed/worried to positive/motivated/calm). I don't want to drink and didn't have any craving this weekend but just felt really out of it and lethargic. Hopefully today will be better. I am going to force myself to work out, mow the grass, mop my floor and walk my dogs. Hopefully some forced activity will help with my mood. I think I am also a bit worried about tomorrow. I wish I had someone to go with me. I am kinda scared. I have only gone to therapy once for two appointments and it wasn't successful. I think she was just telling me what she thought I wanted to hear instead of giving be real objective feedback. If felt it was more placating than counseling.
My appt tomorrow is one hour with a psychiatrist and one hour with a therapist.
I have two questions. I would love to hear everyone's opinion.
What if the psychiatrist want to prescribe me medication for depression or anxiety? I really am anti medication for myself. I don't ever judge what others do - everyone is different. I just don;'want to take it. They scare me. I am afraid of long term side effects and becoming addicted to something else. Should I not take any medication for a year of sobriety to see if the alcohol was causing all of my other issues? Then, if it isn't better after a year, consider medication? Or is it better to take medication for the next year to be able to remain sober, then stop taking them to see if the other issues are better?
How do I help pick out my own therapist? How do I make sure that the counselor I am assigned it right for me? I do better with someone who will tell me like it is. I don't always like it at the time but I think about it and it is helpful. The only time I went to therapy was for two visits. I feel like she was just placating me rather than truly objectively counseling me. I would rather have a woman. Male energy is not always the best for me bc of past trauma. I either don't trust them or try too hard to get them to respect me. I would want her to be close to my age. I would prefer it not to be some young girl (like I had last time that doesn't have very much life experience). It might be good if she has some personal experience in addiction. Many people I know that aren't addicted can't even begin to understand the mental, emotional, obsessive side of the addiction.
Stop thinking about it. Go in with an open mind and listen.
ReplyDeleteIf you are seriously anti medication tell them that. No one is going to try to force it on you. I can be very useful, but it’s not vital.
That said, didn’t you try naltrexone in the past? You should tell them that. Maybe it’s the option for you with therapy.
Whoever the therapist is is irrelevant. This is you listening time. Listen to their proposal. Ask question. Try not to decide anything too quickly.
Someone once told me the same thought process that got me addicted cannot are how to get me out. That’s why we need help.
Take the help. And, in the mean time, relax. Rest.
Anne
Take the meds - can't hurt. At least at first. You've been pretending to do it without for many years. Try something different. You might see a different result. Holy crap! Yay!
ReplyDelete