Tuesday, July 4, 2017
7/4/17 (Tues) 4th of July
This holiday has always meant alcohol to me since as long as I can remember. Neighborhood parties where everyone was drinking, kids playing and having fun, fireworks, bonfires in the streets. It was always just another excuse to drink. Not today :) . We do have a neighborhood party but as everyone has to work tomorrow it may be pretty low key. If dh wants to go, I will go with him. I am not going to do anything differently this time in terms of isolating myself. I think that contributed to my relapse after 255 days. I just stayed in this place of deprivation and loneliness and pity and anger that I couldn't drink. This Naked Mind helped me realize that I need to approach sobriety differently. Instead of thinking "I can't drink", I need to thing "I am so glad I am not drinking". Instead of focusing on the two things I won't be experiencing (the buzz and the fitting in), I need to focus on the positives of being sober (a clear mind, remaining in control of myself, not embarrassing myself, having real social connections and conversations, being proud of myself, having my kids be proud of me for keeping my commitment and not having a hangover tomorrow). If I start to have a craving (which I don't think is likely) I will leave and come home. I plan on bringing root beer (my treat as I never drink soda but better for me than beer) to drink in a plastic cup. Maybe nobody will notice I am not drinking. If they do I will just tell them I am taking a break. If they press further, I will say that I feel better when I don't drink.
Also, the drinking dreams have started. The last two nights, I have had cravings in my dreams but did not give in.