Friday, July 14, 2017

7/14/17 (Fri) Feeling the pull

I feel it today, for the first time in 23 days.  I was reading out local paper about an upcoming brew fest, last night my husband was watching some micro beer show on tv and my sister is coming over tonight. Alcohol is everywhere, I just feel bombarded with it constantly and it sucks. I feel the pull in my chest area. I think that is where I store my anxiety.  I have feelings like - well that is sad I can't ever enjoy a beer fest again - what do I care about that show, I don't want to visit any of those places anyway - wine is going to sound pretty good tonight.  How can I go from feeling so strong one minute to feeling so conflicted the next? Because it is a drug and that's what it does. It's called addiction and denial. I know that in my head, but that addicted, primal, emotional, needy, convincing, persuasive, blinded voice is just so strong sometimes.

I need to stay strong. I need to get through the day.

I need to remember:
  • Alcohol is a poisonous drug that is making me sick physically (heart palpitations, weight gain, insomnia), mentally (depression, obsession, anxiety) and emotionally (lack of motivation, lack of joy).  
  • The only reason I crave alcohol is because I am addicted to it. It is a drug my body thinks it needs to feel "normal/happy/relaxed/fun/social". It is no different than a drug addict craving their next fix.  I am no different from the addict I watch on tv - I am getting high on my drug of choice - alcohol.
  • I crave it to relieve my withdrawal symptoms, not because I need it to be happy. That is my addicted voice trying to trick me into using. (yes, using - no different than a drug addict - I am addicted to a drug - this makes me a drug addict). 
  • I will only "feel" happy for maybe two hours while the drug is in my body which is because I am ingesting a drug (and getting high) that my body is addicted to. Those two hours are not worth what follows - depression, disappointment, anxiety.
  • I am strong! I AM NOT powerless over alcohol. I am powerful enough to say no - to not put the drug in my body that continues the cycle.
  • Nothing changes if nothing changes!


  1. Remember how proud you were last week, remember that awesome feeling. If it becomes to much just excuse yourself and go to bed. Explain, You were sick last week and you still are not yourself.

  2. How about making yourself a really fun NA drink? Mrs. D has some great recipes. I put them in a big Ass wine glass and I have just as much fun as I did when I was drinking. Actually more fun and I remember it!

  3. If you aren't drinking beer there really isn't much reason to go to a beer fest.
    Find something else. Or sit at home and cry.
    There may be grief for what was...even though it was hurting you. That's normal. I definitely had thatmfor a while.
    And then reality appears and I realized there were so many more options out there!

    Take care. Whatever you need to do, bong drink. No matter what.
    And see what happens.


  4. Good advice above!
    You need to remember how awful you felt while drinking, and also remember how proud you of yourself for being sober!
    All you will miss out on is hangovers, and feeling crummy and bad about yourself.
    You are worth something better!

  5. There are many ways to look at every situation. Let's take the beer fest: "I'm glad I'm not going as I'd be hung over in the morning and it will ruin my weekend". Tell yourself the true facts about each of those scenarios. Be honest with yourself.