Sunday, July 2, 2017

7/2/17 (Sun) Terrible headache, grateful and flooding dreams

I woke up feeling crappy today - terrible headache and super tired.  Did not drink last night and got enough sleep.  Maybe it's the Root Beer I let myself drink (I never drink soda) instead of a beer. Well. at least this headache will go away after some Advil - I won't have a hangover all day.

I was grateful for something last night.  There is a big car show/cruise in my area once a month.  My husband is totally into cars (I am not). It was nice last night to be willing to do what ever he wanted to do - stay longer, come back and pick him up if he ran into some friends and wanted to stay longer than me, go to a fantastic dive burger joint that doesn't serve alcohol - and not have alcohol affect any of my decisions.  It does feel freeing to not being constantly thinking - I want to leave so I can have a drink on a Saturday....I can't come pick him back up as I may have some wine when I get home...Let's not eat there bc they don't serve alcohol.  Of course I wouldn't verbalize any of that. I would have some other excuse, but I would be thinking it.  And my son was totally happy he didn't have to bring his driver's license just in case. He hates being the designated driver. Also, as we were leaving the cruise, I was stopped by a police officer - just to tell me my lights weren't on. If I would have had a beer or two I would have been shitting my pants. It was nice to be able to roll the window down, know I was 100% sober and/or he couldn't smell anything and ask what the problem was. Who knows, he could have smelled alcohol and I could have had to have a sobriety test right there with my son and two nephews in the car with me. My sister would have had plenty to say about my drinking then  OMG - what if I wouldn't have past. What if my worst fear ever would have come true last night? I am getting anxiety thinking about it! What if I would have woken up today ashamed, hungover and having thousands of dollars in legal fees, public humiliation and the possible loss of my job? I would have been devastated. Is that what I want? Does something that bad truly need to happen before stop drinking?  Maybe I am grateful for just a little headache this morning!

Last night I had dreams about a hurricane coming and everything flooding. Everyone was in boats floating past semi trucks in which you could just see the top (the rest was under water.  Everyone I knew was in a giant boat. I was on a surf board - sorta scared but ok. I remember thinking, "As long as I stay on the surf board, I will be ok."

I am a firm believer that dreams are our unconscious mind or high power or whatever trying to tell us something or reflect on something in our lives.  Here is what I found when I google searched the meaning:

Floods, and other natural disasters (such as tornadoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes) represent UNCONTROLLABLE forces that are POWERFUL, and very often leave their victims utterly helpless.  It’s these feelings that the dream, itself, represents.
If you dream about a flood, more likely than not you have recently felt overwhelmed in your life by something (or someone) that seemed like an uncontrollable force – one which left you feeling somewhat helpless, at their mercy, and victimized.
Think about the word flood for a minute.  We talk about floods of emotion, floods of tears, floods of rain – each time we’re referring to something that seems endless and out of control. The floods in a dream represent something in our daily life that seems out of control, relentless, and overwhelming.   A flood dream is almost always symbolic of something negative in our lives that we want to address but haven’t yet found a way to do so.  I say almost always because there is an exception.
More than likely, if you have a flood dream, your emotions will be anywhere from frightened to extremely anxious. However, if your emotion could be described as calm, amused, or even relieved, your dream analysis is different from the one discussed above.  If you have a positive emotion during your flood dream, your dream is symbolic of relief.  This could mean that something WAS overwhelming, but you found a way to handle the situation and come out on top.  Your dream could be a celebration of this triumph.
Image result for surfing on flood cartoon
Kinda weird how accurate it is. I do feel overwhelmed by this decision to stop drinking but not anymore than I felt overwhelmed by the constant weekend binge drinking.  Alcohol has overwhelmed and "flooded" my life for so long. Maybe if I just stay on that surf board of sobriety I won't drown.

4 comments:

  1. Way to go on staying sober this weekend!
    Your family must be so happy!
    You have been having a flood of thoughts related to being sober, so that makes sense.
    Do you have a plan for the 4th?
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. No plans for the 4th which is good. Next weekend will be rough

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  2. Love your posts! Today was challenging for me. #DAY128! Beautiful summer day. Sunbathed and swam in my pool. I love summer, but always in the past days like this would have included cold beers all day long. Then my husband goes to the dump and comes home with a 12 pack and a six pack. Ugh........ Super proud of myself for not partaking! I don't begrudge him at all. I don't expect him to quit just because I did. I want him to quit, but wanting & expecting are two different things! Proud proud proud!!! Loved your dream analogy, so fitting!

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    1. Congrats on Day 128 and not giving in :)

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