I was grateful for something last night. There is a big car show/cruise in my area once a month. My husband is totally into cars (I am not). It was nice last night to be willing to do what ever he wanted to do - stay longer, come back and pick him up if he ran into some friends and wanted to stay longer than me, go to a fantastic dive burger joint that doesn't serve alcohol - and not have alcohol affect any of my decisions. It does feel freeing to not being constantly thinking - I want to leave so I can have a drink on a Saturday....I can't come pick him back up as I may have some wine when I get home...Let's not eat there bc they don't serve alcohol. Of course I wouldn't verbalize any of that. I would have some other excuse, but I would be thinking it. And my son was totally happy he didn't have to bring his driver's license just in case. He hates being the designated driver. Also, as we were leaving the cruise, I was stopped by a police officer - just to tell me my lights weren't on. If I would have had a beer or two I would have been shitting my pants. It was nice to be able to roll the window down, know I was 100% sober and/or he couldn't smell anything and ask what the problem was. Who knows, he could have smelled alcohol and I could have had to have a sobriety test right there with my son and two nephews in the car with me. My sister would have had plenty to say about my drinking then OMG - what if I wouldn't have past. What if my worst fear ever would have come true last night? I am getting anxiety thinking about it! What if I would have woken up today ashamed, hungover and having thousands of dollars in legal fees, public humiliation and the possible loss of my job? I would have been devastated. Is that what I want? Does something that bad truly need to happen before stop drinking? Maybe I am grateful for just a little headache this morning!
Last night I had dreams about a hurricane coming and everything flooding. Everyone was in boats floating past semi trucks in which you could just see the top (the rest was under water. Everyone I knew was in a giant boat. I was on a surf board - sorta scared but ok. I remember thinking, "As long as I stay on the surf board, I will be ok."
I am a firm believer that dreams are our unconscious mind or high power or whatever trying to tell us something or reflect on something in our lives. Here is what I found when I google searched the meaning:
Kinda weird how accurate it is. I do feel overwhelmed by this decision to stop drinking but not anymore than I felt overwhelmed by the constant weekend binge drinking. Alcohol has overwhelmed and "flooded" my life for so long. Maybe if I just stay on that surf board of sobriety I won't drown.