Good Morning! Off to work today. Sad to see summer vacation coming to an end, but I also seem to have a new outlook on life this morning. Many timed in the past I have gone on that first day with a HO and been miserable - no kids, just teachers. Starting today I am going to act according to my belief system. I will not be a contradiction to myself. I am a happy, secure, caring, upbeat, positive, motivated, supportive person. This is who I used to be. That person has been buried under a sea of alcohol for quite sometime. No longer will I be the unhappy, insecure, sarcastic, semi-negative, exhausted, un-motivated, jealous person. That is not me. It never has been. Alcohol created that version of me to hide the self-hatred and disappointment I felt in myself. I am now back to being my authentic, true self.
I think the heart palpitations, anxiety, shakiness ended last night - night 4 - just on schedule. Still, I did not get any sleep - night sweats were terrible. I hope those are over tonight. Even with very little sleep - 3 hours or so - I feel better than if I would have drank and gotten 7 hours because I am happy on the inside! Believe it or not - I am excited to not drink this weekend. I think what I am the most excited about is finally, for the first time in a very long time, keeping a commitment that I have made to myself. I am determined to keep this feeling going!