Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Good Morning!


Good Morning!  Off to work today.  Sad to see summer vacation coming to an end, but I also seem to have a new outlook on life this morning.  Many timed in the past I have gone on that first day with a HO and been miserable - no kids, just teachers.  Starting today I am going to act according to my belief system.  I will not be a contradiction to myself.  I am a happy, secure, caring, upbeat, positive, motivated, supportive person.  This is who I used to be.  That person has been buried under a sea of alcohol for quite sometime.  No longer will I be the unhappy, insecure, sarcastic, semi-negative, exhausted, un-motivated, jealous person.  That is not me.  It never has been.  Alcohol created that version of me to hide the self-hatred and disappointment I felt in myself.  I am now back to being my authentic, true self.

I think the heart palpitations, anxiety, shakiness ended last night - night 4 - just on schedule.  Still, I did not get any sleep - night sweats were terrible.  I hope those are over tonight.  Even with very little sleep - 3 hours or so -  I feel better than if I would have drank and gotten 7 hours because I am happy on the inside!  Believe it or not - I am excited to not drink this weekend.  I think what I am the most excited about is finally, for the first time in a very long time, keeping a commitment that I have made to myself.  I am determined to keep this feeling going!

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