That being said, last night was not super easy. Things were kind of working in my favor. I did avoid the after school FAC. I don't think many people went, which helped. Everyone wasn't bugging me about going. It was not a beautiful, sit on the porch, chill kind of Friday afternoon. it was kind on rainy and gloomy - thank you God :) . My drinking friend didn't call - I told her I was laying low this weekend. But ... my dh had a couple of friends over and we watched a movie. They brought this really good home brew. I am kind of a beer snob and this stuff is good. I did have one drink to taste it. He asked me if I wanted to, and I didn't want to bring attention to the fact that I wasn't drinking. First off, the smell was repulsive - just the smell of everyone drinking beer around me. I had a taste - amazing! then something happened...I wanted another taste...so I had one (just a drink out of dh husbands glass). I contemplated having one glass of beer. And then my mind went to the next night and having just one glass of wine....what could it hurt? Interesting how I could be so determined the whole week and then just one little whisper from that voice and i second guess all of my sobriety goals. I did not give in to that "little voice" (thank goodness), but I did pay attention to it.
I am learning that I can't just push the thoughts out of my head and dismiss/ignore them. I need to deal with them and make conscious decisions about what I choose to do. Funny how it tries to sneak back in and get you to drink. I am trying to come up with a clever little name for this voice that is almost child like .... I want what I want and I want it now ..... and I don't care what you (the rational voice in my head) thinks!