I am gearing up to take on the insidious mental battle I have coming up, like this weekend. The only time in the past 25 years I have absed more than, say 7 days, was my two pregnancies, my two surgeries, and when I quit smoking 15 years ago. I know that the physical withdrawal symptoms suck, but that it is also the easy part! In a couple days, like Friday, when I well better, my mind will tell me I am making a big deal out of nothing, just my latest thing to obsess over, this is ridiculous, I will just be very vigilant about moderating, I am not going to go my whole life without drinking so why put myself through this torture ... I will just be more careful, one more hangover and I will be done for good - those are the deals I will make with myself. I am going to come back and read this post -
Dear Me,
Those are the things that you have told yourself for the last 15 years. Where have they gotten you? Right back to where you are right this very moment - back on the hamster wheel - back to an hangover, eventually, - back to withdrawals, depression, anxiety, self-hatred - DO NOT KID YOURSELF - you will end up right back where you started - disgusted with yourself. How about trying something different just today, just this weekend - loving yourself, respecting yourself, keeping your commitments to yourself - let's just see how that feels for once. Let's just see how it feels not not have every aspect of your weekend evenings wrapped around something that only makes you feel like a failure.
Love,
Me
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