Friday, April 1, 2016
4/1/16 (Fri) Nice restaurant/sister trigger- not going to drink - exhausted
It is Friday. It has been a rough week for me. Although I only drink on the weekends, last week was Spring Break (I am a teacher) and I drank the majority of the evenings - many times in excess. As a result I have felt crappy all week. Exhausted, brain foggy, unmotivated, head aches, body aches, can't get out of bed after 8 hours of sleep, grumpy, can't get off the couch in the evening (I think I have almost gotten through an entire season of Survivor on Hulu this week)....just pretty much down in the dumps and checked out from life. I do pretty well at work because I have to. You can't really fake it in front of 35 6th graders (which is why I don't drink during the week), but I do isolate from my teammates and just hide in my room during breaks. I am just so tired. I usually feel better by now, but every time this happens it gets a little harder and longer to recover.
I am not drinking this weekend. My body/mind/brain/soul/spirit need a break from the poison. Today would typically be hard because it has been cold and snowy here all week and the sun is supposed to be out today. Those of you that have followed me know how big of a trigger that is for me. Sunshine in the spring on a Friday with a beer have derailed my sobriety plans countless times. Not today..I am sick of feeling shitty.
Tomorrow is another big trigger for me. We are going to a nice restaurant with my sister and her husband for dinner. I threw nine months of sobriety out the window last time at this restaurant with these two people last time. Nice restaurant with a nice glass of wine....big trigger. Not this time...I am tired of feeling shitty.
Instead of drinking today I am going to walk my dogs for a long time and then come home and watch survivor (whatever it takes). I am going to go to bed early and sleep for like 10 hours.
Instead of drinking tomorrow I am going to remind myself that this dinner is only two hours long. I can get through two hours without a drink and then I am in the clear. What will drinking those two hours do for me? I can just sit there and have a nice, calm (not hyper buzzed) time with people I care about. Plus if I did chose to drink I am no longer in denial that it would only be just one or two. It is never just one or two. I would drink a beer or two before we left (saves money at the restaurant -that is my rationale although that is stupid because it really never makes a difference of how much I drink once I am there - it is just an excuse to start earlier). Then I would probably have two glasses of wine at the restaurant. Then, they always get after diner drinks. I would probably end up having at least five drinks even if I swore I was only going to have one glass of wine. Then I would be right back in this same shitty place next week - one more wasted week.
It just isn't worth it....