Do you remember that R.E.M. song? (Click on the picture to listen) I love this song!
I think of this song when I think of all the cyber "friends" I have who are sober and have been that way for awhile.
OK...I have a couple questions for you and I don't want all the pink cloud bs (I kinda do want that but I also want the reality and cold hard truth of it as well).
1. How bad was it for you when you decided to quit for good? (sometimes I just don't think I am that bad, not bad enough to quit anyway)
2. How many times did you try to quite before it actually stuck? (I have seriously tried at least 20 times)
3. Why did it finally "stick"? (no experience for me on this one)
4. Was it as hard for you as it has been for me? (bored, depressed, lonely, isolating)
5. How long before you really felt over it? (For example, I am an ex smoker and you couldn't get me to smoke with a gun to my head - absolutely no desire ever to smoke again)
6.. OK - now the pink cloud - How much better is it?
Yo, for some reason I decided to check up on you...and see you have some new posts! (It's Luluruns...I'm just not logged into that gmail acct)
ReplyDeleteI have 5 years and 4 months or so sober...so I'll answer your questions:
1. Not that bad. I'm a high-bottom drunk compared to a lot of my sober friends. I had all the middle of the night misery and promises to drink less (or take days off) and then wouldn't follow through. Finally I realized that I had two choices--to stay on this escalating train (downhill for sure) or get the hell off altogether, because I was unable to consistently moderate, period. (And I'd tried for YEARS). So I decided to give sobriety a shot.
2. Once. Not that I didn't have hundreds of middle of the night promises to myself, but I didn't "try" to quit those times. LOL. Once I felt better I was right back at it. This time was the only time I actually made a decision to really give it honest effort.
3. Going to AA meetings and learning how to live sober. It wasn't the quitting that was hard for me, but I had no way to imagine how to ever lead a happy and satisfying life without alcohol. So I sought out people who had figured that out and learned from them.
4. At first, but my sober friends helped me through it and I found ways to be comfortable in my skin sober.
5. I don't know that I can answer a "how long" question like that and I'm not sure it's even a good question because I think the answer varies widely. I have friends who had a really moment of clarity and they have never once felt an urge to drink again. And I have friends who still get urges even after years, but have learned to just accept them as annoyances and not act on them and get on with their lives. I'm somewhere in between. There are times I have a fleeting thought that a drink might be nice, but that thought is quickly followed by how much happier I am now than I was when I was drinking, and so it passes easily and I just move on with life. No biggie.
6. For me--much better. I've grown accustomed to a steady hum of contentment rather than wild-drunk-party-girl happiness (followed by regrets girl the following day. LOL). Quitting drinking doesn't fix all the problems. The things that were underlying your drinking are still there when you quit...but once you're not pouring alcohol on your problems you can start to work on those. That was my experience anyway.
xoxo
lulu
O my gosh! It is good to hear from you lulu! I miss your "tell you exactly how it is" way of things on the list. Thank you so much for responding. I think you and I are very similar.
ReplyDeleteMy answers would be very similar to lulu's.
ReplyDeleteHigh bottom, no consequences, many Monday's swearing I wouldn't drink too much the next weekend, always doing it.
When I finally quit it was for a year. It's now over 2 and I wouldn't ever go back.
Every single part of my life has opened up and the possibilities are endless.
My one comment would be of you don't think you are bad enough, then why not quit for 6 months. If it's hard, it's probably the right decision....and you can keep going.
It's a scary thing to wait to hit a bottom that might impact your entire future. I didn't want to risk that.
Anne
Anne - When you quit was it forever or just for this weekend, then this month, then this year now forever? Or did you know forever when you first stopped?
ReplyDeleteI had many many years of trying to cut back. When I finally hit I knew I was unable to drink a little here and there, so I decided I would give myself the gift of a year sober for my 42 birthday.
DeleteOne year. No alcohol.
It was very hard and very exhilaration. It was probably at around 6 months that I recognized I never wanted to drink again. It too that long to get myself out of depression and anxiety and begin to see they joy my life held.
One year without alcohol...I so wish I could do that...even the thought of it scares the crap out of me...
ReplyDeleteIt took the debate away. I am a very rigid, black and white thinker. This helped with that.
ReplyDelete