Saturday, April 16, 2016

4/16/16 (Sat) Drank and I know why the want me to drink

I have thought a lot about my own answer to the question in my last post. My kids don't care if I drink or not.  They would probably not want me to drink at all if they thought I could be happy at that.  They haven't ever seen that on the weekends.  During the months (one then four then one then nine then one) I am usually isolated and a "sad sack" - kinda depressed that I can't drink or I am a mess bc I am white knuckling it.  They have also seen me repeatedly beat myself up for drinking too much. They know that depressed, anxious mom all too well.

The mom they know and like and is pleasant to be around is the one that is successfully moderating, which I do quite well most of the time.  I think that may be why they want me to be able to drink and handle it.  The problem, I have learned through experience, is that it is really difficult for me to maintain moderation.  Always, always, always I go back to drinking too much one or two weekends a month.  I used to be OK with that.  I would have a couple of hangovers a month, sleep it off for a day and be fine. Now, those one or two hangovers are just detrimental to my health - mentally, physically and spiritually.  It takes me days to recover and just sucks the life out of me in general all the time.  

It might be time for them to get to know a new mom - calm, happy, confident, motivated, inspirational, even keel. I am 100% confident that when they see this mom, it will be their preference.

I just need to shut out all the other "noise" aks reasons to drink and do what is best for ME.  It is best for me to not drink.


  1. Keep trying.
    I have never once met a person who told me their parent got sober and they wished she hadn't.