Monday, December 19, 2016

12/19/16 (Mon) Nothing changes if nothing changes

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Yesterday afternoon I became exhausted, depressed, grumpy, anxious, irritated, unmotivated...I only drank 6 beers over the course of the weekend, but once again I wasted another Sunday bc of alcohol.

Another Monday dragging myself out of bed, bloated, exhausted, sad... feeling old, overweight, out of shape and alone locked in this mental prison - this obsessive tug of war.

I really am exhausted from this battle and sick of the fight. It is physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually killing me.

5 comments:

  1. Why did you drink over the weekend if you believe you can control your drinking? How will continuing to drink benefit you? These are questions I used to ask myself. I understand your struggles. I felt that if I couldn't drink when I wanted to, it made me weak. I wasn't in control. Finally I realized that I don't have power over the way alcohol affects me but I DO have power over my choices. After 20 plus years and a great amount of mental anguish, I decided that enough was enough..... I decided to be honest with myself and my husband and I stopped. It was not an easy decision but I now feel liberated because I got my power back. I now give myself the opportunity to feel even when it hurts because once I go through it, I feel stronger. I feel liberated .

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    Replies
    1. I honestly have no idea why I drink. I guess in all honesty I like to be buzzed on a Friday or Saturday. I like the feeling...I know I don't have total control, I just always think I have enough control to not stop

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  2. It was killing me, too.
    Now I am free.
    It is the best feeling!
    xo
    Wendy

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