Monday, December 19, 2016

12/19/16 (Mon) Nothing changes if nothing changes

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Yesterday afternoon I became exhausted, depressed, grumpy, anxious, irritated, unmotivated...I only drank 6 beers over the course of the weekend, but once again I wasted another Sunday bc of alcohol.

Another Monday dragging myself out of bed, bloated, exhausted, sad... feeling old, overweight, out of shape and alone locked in this mental prison - this obsessive tug of war.

I really am exhausted from this battle and sick of the fight. It is physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually killing me.


  1. Why did you drink over the weekend if you believe you can control your drinking? How will continuing to drink benefit you? These are questions I used to ask myself. I understand your struggles. I felt that if I couldn't drink when I wanted to, it made me weak. I wasn't in control. Finally I realized that I don't have power over the way alcohol affects me but I DO have power over my choices. After 20 plus years and a great amount of mental anguish, I decided that enough was enough..... I decided to be honest with myself and my husband and I stopped. It was not an easy decision but I now feel liberated because I got my power back. I now give myself the opportunity to feel even when it hurts because once I go through it, I feel stronger. I feel liberated .

    1. I honestly have no idea why I drink. I guess in all honesty I like to be buzzed on a Friday or Saturday. I like the feeling...I know I don't have total control, I just always think I have enough control to not stop

  2. It was killing me, too.
    Now I am free.
    It is the best feeling!