Monday, December 26, 2011
Ok so I made the first tiny little step. The drama has already begun. No one can decide on a time for dinner. People are getting a little snippy - some are saying if we miss it - oh well we will be there later. What?!?!?!? I have to go buy all the food, make it and host. People should be committing to a time. RUDE!! I, of course, am trying to be the peace maker, have spent an hour now texting everyone trying to settle on a time. My anxiety level is already rising!
I talked to one of my sister and said, "I know you have to work tomorrow. Are you planning on drinking?" She said, "I don't really care. I hadn't really thought about it (wow - I wish I could feel that way - but I can't/don't)." I said, "Well, how about let's not. i already feel my anxiety rising. I am worried about how today is going to go and if we put alcohol in the mix, it might not be a good thing." she said, "OK whatever." then in the next breath I said, "Can you bring whatever wine you have, just in case other people want some so I don't have to go to the liquor store?" I know that is my addiction talking - freaking out - feeling betrayed.
I am seriously considering at least telling my sister the truth today. The thought of that both scares the shit out of me and feel amazing! i will keep you posted. It will take a lot of courage and I will probably chicken out. I will keep yo posted!