Monday, December 26, 2011

Tiny step

Ok so I made the first tiny little step.  The drama has already begun.  No one can decide on a time for dinner.  People are getting a little snippy - some are saying if we miss it - oh well we will be there later.  What?!?!?!?  I have to go buy all the food, make it and host.  People should be committing to a time.  RUDE!!  I, of course, am trying to be the peace maker, have spent an hour now texting everyone trying to settle on a time.  My anxiety level is already rising!  

I talked to one of my sister and said, "I know you have to work tomorrow.  Are you planning on drinking?"  She said, "I don't really care.  I hadn't really thought about it (wow - I wish I could feel that way - but I can't/don't)."  I said, "Well, how about let's not.  i already feel my anxiety rising.  I am worried about how today is going to go and if we put alcohol in the mix, it might not be a good thing."  she said, "OK whatever."  then in the next breath I said, "Can you bring whatever wine you have, just in case other people want some so I don't have to go to the liquor store?"  I know that is my addiction talking - freaking out - feeling betrayed.  

I am seriously considering at least telling my sister the truth today.  The thought of that both scares the shit out of me and feel amazing!  i will keep you posted.  It will take a lot of courage and I will probably chicken out.  I will keep yo posted!

1 comment:

  1. Oh do please keep us posted, I really do like reading your blog! You are not alone, there are several of us here wishing all the best for you, in my thoughts I'm sending you lots of love and strenght!

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