Saturday, December 31, 2011

Day 7 - too self confident?

Well last night was tough.  My bff (aka drinking buddy) and her dh asked us to go to the museum with them.  OK - that seems pretty safe - they don't even have alcohol there.  While there - we all got hungry.  Bff suggested one of our favorite Mexican food places.  I have never been there without at least 2 Negro Modelos.  Ok - I can do this - I am also hungry - I've got to go there without drinking eventually - why not tonight?  We went - I sucked down 3 ....  club sodas.  Dh and friend had a couple beers - which didn't bother me.  Bff had iced tea!  I told her to do what she wants - I don't want her or anyone else to feel like they need to change their behavior bc of me.  She said she was fine - she was just saving her "points" up for tomorrow (NYE).  So far so good.

Then someone suggested a movie at their house.  I felt a pang of nervousness but didn't want to ruin the fun for everyone so I said OK.  When we got to her house, I panicked, couldn't go in the house and said I had to go let the dogs out.  I just freaked out! I have NEVER been in her basement (12 years) to watch a movie without the wine flowing - usually in excess.  I, all of a sudden, did not feel safe!  BTW - I have not had panic attacks since I quit smoking.

So I got home and started to feel better - it started to pass.  Then I thought - I eventually have to watch a movie in the basement without alcohol.  I want to still hang out with her and not effect everyone else's evening.  So why not tonight - also get that "first" out of the way.  So..... I took a deep breath went back over.  She did not open any wine. In fact, no one drank anything else.  I sucked down 2 more club sodas, ate a huge bowl of popcorn, watched the movie, came home and went to bed.  I am very proud of myself!  I hope I am not jumping into situations too quickly.  I am an all or nothing kind of girl, which is probably why I was a binge drinker instead of a daily drinker.  If I am choosing not to drink, then let's not screw around and prolong the pain.  Let's just jump in with both feet and learn to live life without alcohol.  Do you think this is being a little too self-confident?

I do, however,  wish today was over!  I just don't even want to deal with NYE this year!  All the partiers are going to think I don't feel well.  My family knows that I could care less what they do.  All of the family drama is not my focus today.  All I know is that I am staying home, I am not drinking and if they come over here neither are they.  The most important thing for me is to get through today, the hardest day of the year for me - SOBER!


  1. I'm so proud of you too! Day 20 for me.

  2. Am proud of you too! Happy New Year, Ksusier dearest - I wish you all the best for 2012!