Wednesday, December 28, 2011

End of Day 4

I am exhausted!  Had everyone over.  The sister that I had already talked to said to my other sister, "I don't know what we are doing NYE - I don't think (ksusier) is going to go or at is least not staying at the party."  The sister who didn't know gets all bent out of shape about not being included in the change of plans.  I tell her to get off my back - I need to talk to her about something in private.  My mom says, "Well it is obviously about me."  OMG!!!  It is no wonder I have drank for so long.  Any way - I brought my mom and other sister up to my bedroom - cried my eyes out (for the second day in a row) and told them.  My mom said, "I am proud of you and I already knew you had a problem."  My other sister (who has the same addictive/obsessive problems as I do) said, "Trust me I know how consuming that battle inside your head can be.  I think it is very courageous of you to tell us.  I will do anything you need.  You  beat nicotine - you can beat this. You are an amazing person and mother.  Stop beating yourself up.  You are strong enough to do this."  I feel very loved and supported.

Also, my dd and her friends all wanted to go see a scary Rated R movie (Paranormal Activity 3) which most of them could not get into because they are only 16.  How amazing it was at 8:00 at night to be able to say to them, "I'll take you - no problem."  I had 8 teenagers with me to see the movie and it was scary.  That also made me feel important, loved and needed.  I could have never done that before because I wouldn't have wanted to drive.  I think I can be more spontaneous while sober - who knew.

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