Friday, July 29, 2011

7/29/11 (Fri) Am I physically addicted?

Messages from Tucker have completely shattered how I look at my drinking and made me realize that all the shitty feeling I have during the week are just PHYSICAL withdrawal symptoms from weekend binges.  Sound easy enough to understand, but in the past I have just thought it was a one day hangover and then couldn't figure out why I was such a grump, so exhausted the rest of the week until Friday when I could drink again.  I just waited around all week to drink on Friday and Saturday.  I THOUGHT that was just because it was the weekend and I wanted to chill, have fun, relax .....  actually I now think (thanks to Tucker) it was my body/addiction SCREAMING at me all week to feed it.  When I finally did (feed it) on Friday, it was happy so I thought I was happy.  Saturday repeat (my addiction is happy so I am happy).  Monday - Thursday - repeat the same feelings of depression, exhaustion, anxiety, irritability (WITHDRAWAL).  I am getting a little tired of alcohol dictating whether I am happy or not.

Thank you, Tucker, for you honest, direct, butt-kicking, concerned, caring text.  

You have changed my mind - now it is up to me to change my behavior.

1 comment:

  1. Tucker actually sent that letter to me by accident before she sent it to you and you're right it was powerful. I had already figured out I was going through physical withdrawl but the letter validated my decision to permanently abs. My body was telling me "enough is enough, you're too smart to keep doing this" I mean really, was I going to wait until I started seeing flying monkeys. I hope you have a great and HO free weekend.