Monday, July 11, 2011

7/11/11 (Mon) - Taking back my life

Last night 2 opportunities landed in my lap.  My neighbor/drinking buddy invited me over for a glass of wine on the deck.  OMG - I NEVER say no to that - not even with a HO. I did say no, and my HO was gone.  Not only did I tell her I wasn't drinking today, but not for at least a week and maybe longer.  That is also big.  I don't announce my plans any more because I can't ever seem to honor them.  Then, when I tell people I am not drinking, they know I will cave and talk me into it.  I will show everyone how strong I am this time and maybe even be a role model to some of my friends that could also use a little moderation.  

I also had family over for dinner, unexpectedly.  Two open bottles of wine in front of me the whole night, and I didn't drink them.  I said "Thank you for bringing them, but NO thank you."  When asked why I jokingly said I was giving my liver a break.  I also asked them to take the unfinished bottles home because I didn't want to be tempted to drink them later in the week - something I also would have never admitted to anyone but myself. I am not hiding anymore.  I have a problem. I need to face it.  

I am always mad at myself with a HO, but this time seems to feel a little different.  I don't have a HO and I am still so angry - but not at myself - at the mind altering, insidious, guilt ridden, diet busting, time consuming, day wasting, happiness stealing, peace robbing drug that I have let take control of me and make decisions for me - ENOUGH!!!  I am taking my life back today.

I am going to enjoy these abs days.  Really feel what it is like to live life without it.  Savor every moment.  Not think about what I am missing, but really focus on what I am gaining.  Will I abs forever?  I have no idea - but I am for now!

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