Monday, July 11, 2011
7/11/11 (Mon) - Taking back my life
Last night 2 opportunities landed in my lap. My neighbor/drinking buddy invited me over for a glass of wine on the deck. OMG - I NEVER say no to that - not even with a HO. I did say no, and my HO was gone. Not only did I tell her I wasn't drinking today, but not for at least a week and maybe longer. That is also big. I don't announce my plans any more because I can't ever seem to honor them. Then, when I tell people I am not drinking, they know I will cave and talk me into it. I will show everyone how strong I am this time and maybe even be a role model to some of my friends that could also use a little moderation.
I also had family over for dinner, unexpectedly. Two open bottles of wine in front of me the whole night, and I didn't drink them. I said "Thank you for bringing them, but NO thank you." When asked why I jokingly said I was giving my liver a break. I also asked them to take the unfinished bottles home because I didn't want to be tempted to drink them later in the week - something I also would have never admitted to anyone but myself. I am not hiding anymore. I have a problem. I need to face it.
I am always mad at myself with a HO, but this time seems to feel a little different. I don't have a HO and I am still so angry - but not at myself - at the mind altering, insidious, guilt ridden, diet busting, time consuming, day wasting, happiness stealing, peace robbing drug that I have let take control of me and make decisions for me - ENOUGH!!! I am taking my life back today.
I am going to enjoy these abs days. Really feel what it is like to live life without it. Savor every moment. Not think about what I am missing, but really focus on what I am gaining. Will I abs forever? I have no idea - but I am for now!