Sunday, July 10, 2011
7/10/11 (Sun) - HANGOVER! - plan 20 days abs
I am beginning to think I am unable to moderate. Yesterday did not go as planned. I did moderate in the beginning, but then just stopped caring. Have a hangover today and am pretty mad. I am absing for the next 20 days. What I would really like to be able to say after 20 days is "Hey, I like living this way better ... I am going to continue my abs" .... instead of white knuckling through it and then jumping right back in where I left off. I think I am really beginning to feel like a failure in this department and I know that those negative feelings do not help with my goal. I know - don't beat yourself up. To be honest, I am pretty pissed off at myself right now - and I should be - this is ridiculous (this struggle, lack of progress). I need to get honest and admit to myself that this is turning into a real problem for me. I do not want to end up like my father. It never occurred to me that maybe he also struggled the way I am before it got completely out of control. I know that we moved around a lot when I was little because he lost his job or just wanted to start again in a new place. I don't think we would have moved if he wasn't trying. My personality is so much like his - outgoing, fun, lots of energy (maybe misdirected), addictive. I have only talked to him a couple of times in the last 10 years. Maybe I should give him a call - he is sober now - and talk to him about my struggles. Maybe not - I don't know. I do know I will not drink today.