- Bingeing AGAIN last night.
- Huge HO today, lying to my family - telling them my ibs is acting up - hiding from the world - counting the hours until I can go back to bed
- Reading and rereading some very eye opening posts I have received
- Reading many of the personal stories on the AA website about people who seem to be very much like me - people who have not hit rock bottom, have not lost everything, didn't need in patient rehab
- Reading the many posts of people who sound just like me and have truly found peace and contentment in not drinking
- Going back and reading my posts for over a year at MM - learning a lot but not really applying anything - not much progress
- Scared that my heart palpitations, hot flashes and blurry head are more than just a hangover - could be actual physical addiction
- Scared to death that next time maybe I will have to have in-patient rehab - who knows
- Scared that maybe I could permanently damage my family due to my selfishness
- Being truly exhausted, scared, beaten down, depressed, anxious
I think I might be an alcoholic. Not just a problem or binge drinker, but a alcoholic in the making and that the longer I delay the inevitable (perm abs) the harder it is going to be. This scares me more than you can possibly imagine.
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