Sunday, July 24, 2011

7/24/11 (Sun) - HANGOVER! Am I an alcoholic?

Because of the following reasons:
  • Bingeing AGAIN last night.
  • Huge HO today, lying to my family - telling them my ibs is acting up - hiding from the world - counting the hours until I can go back to bed
  • Reading and rereading some very eye opening posts I have received
  • Reading many of the personal stories on the AA website about people who seem to be very much like me - people who have not hit rock bottom, have not lost everything, didn't need in patient rehab
  • Reading the many posts of people who sound just like me and have truly found peace and contentment in not drinking
  • Going back and reading my posts for over a year at MM - learning a lot but not really applying anything - not much progress
  • Scared that my heart palpitations, hot flashes and blurry head are more than just a hangover - could be actual physical addiction
  • Scared to death that next time maybe I will have to have in-patient rehab - who knows
  • Scared that maybe I could permanently damage my family due to my selfishness
  • Being truly exhausted, scared, beaten down, depressed, anxious
I think I might be an alcoholic.  Not just a problem or binge drinker, but a alcoholic in the making and that the longer I delay the inevitable (perm abs) the harder it is going to be.  This scares me more than you can possibly imagine.  

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