I had a lot of anxiety yesterday. I think it is more of a side effect of the Zoloft (which I am reading is normal and will go away) than it was because I wanted to drink. However, the feeling of anxiety made me kind of want to drink, maybe bc drinking would me feel better, maybe bc I relate that anxious feeling to needing alcohol. Dh and a couple neighbors went to the Beer Festival. It turned out to be stupid, and I picked them up early. A few of them went to a "Speakeasy" after and said it was super cool and fun. Then they continued to party at a neighbor's house until late. Dh came home, we had dinner and he went over there for an hour bc they were bugging him to go. I didn't care. I watched Big Brother (I know...don't judge) which he refuses to watch lol. When he got home he said they were wasted. I would have been right there with them. I was a little jealous of the Speakeasy thing, but I am so glad this morning I didn't participate. I would have woken up this morning with a hangover and so much anxiety.
The interesting part is that one of the women who went stopped drinking. I am under the impression from neighborhood gossip) that she also had a big problem with alcohol. I don't know her very well, but I am a bit jealous she could do all of that with them and not drink. I will get there....that is my goal.
Speaking for myself I could not have done all that in early sobriety. Even now at 5 months sober I still find social gatherings a bit of a challenge. I much prefer to stay home and not be subjected watching others drink. Not that I feel tempted. I just get annoyed that I wasted so much time thinking about wine and planning around it etc.. ugh! Life is so much better on this side. Maybe it's time to give yourself a break from the folk who tell you drinking is "super cool and fun" when you are trying so hard to stay sober and healthy. Sounds like sabotage to me. Just a thought. Good luck!
ReplyDelete5 months is awesome, but still very early there’s nothing wrong with staying home.
DeleteThanks so much, Anne! You and Wendy have been an inspiration to me. :-)
DeleteThank you, Joni! What Anne said! Lol! She’s super smart!
DeleteYou both are! :) x
DeleteCongrats on the 5 months. That's awesome! I have been known to self sabotage, so thanks for reminding me :)
DeleteIt take time and serious self awareness to go to drinking events.
ReplyDeleteMost of the time I don’t like them now. Concerts, sure. But it’s a rare night we go anywhere that booze is the centre of attention. It’s never that fun. And I much prefer a good nights sleep.
Have you talked to your husband about his supporting you? It makes a huge difference to have a non drinking partner, at least for a while. Otherwise it can be hard to not feel left out.
Anxiety is normal. It takes 3-4 weeks for Zoloft to do its job.
This is a huge change for you. Try to take it easy, and watch big brother.
Regarding dh - he said that he didn't need to go. In fact if I was considering going and drinking, he wouldn't go to support me. I told him to go. I had stuff to do here anyway and sometimes like being alone :)
DeleteI have found other things I love, rather than drinking nights. Hubs and I go for walks at night, or bike rides. It takes time and effort to learn how to live life differently.
ReplyDeleteAs Anne asked, about hubs, mine stopped drinking to support me. Perhaps he can go to less of those events, and do something fun with you and kids!
xo
Wendy
I do agree that we need to find things to do together that don't involve drinking.
DeleteHappy 4th of July. I hope things are progressing ok.
ReplyDeleteSending you love.
Anne
Hmmm... I too hope all is sober. Such a great start.
DeleteThinking of you...
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
Delete