Boredom is caused by
1. A structured routine weekend feels differently than an actively drinking weekend.
2. Brain chemical changes during recovery can make people feel flat or bored.
3. Alcohol causes huge emotional swings (high to low and then low to high). Normal emotions can feel flat by comparison.
I am going to try to explain this as well as I understand it. When I drink, it spikes dopamine (the reward/pleasure hormone) in my brain. Then, for me, there is a huge drop the next day (hangover, shame, regret, anger). My dopamine levels looked like a roller coaster - huge spikes Fri-Sat caused by alcohol (probably also Wed-Thurs because of the anticipation of drinking) followed by huge drops Sun-Tues (hangover , shame, anger). I have a hedonic set point of happiness. This the is best image I could find showing this, although it is related to stress instead of addiction.
By spiking the dopamine levels with alcohol every weekend I was resetting my hedonic set point - my threshold for happiness - which also explains tolerance and the need to have more drug to get the same level of pleasure
So when I stop drinking, my dopamine levels aren't ever getting anywhere near the hedonic set point which explains the feeling down, depressed, sad, not finding enjoyment in anything. It takes time for the hedonic set point to come back down and for the normal dopamine spikes that come from everyday activities (instead of being artificially spiked way above normal with the use of a drug) to be able to get above that level.
I really like that there is a scientific, biological reason for how I am feeling and proof that it will get better. It helps be realize that I am not just making all of it up.
Ways to fight this boredom until your brain resets:
Keep a recreational activity list I can go to when "bored". Try to do things that I "kind of" like - things that fill me back up such as hiking, yoga, working out, going out to dinner, hanging out with friends, walking my dogs - even if I don;t feel like it. If when finished, I say it was "just ok" - keep doing it. Things may not be "fun or great" yet - don't expect them to be. But, don't stop doing the "ok" things just bc they aren't giving you the same rush of dopamine that alcohol did. Get off the couch, go out and do things and just keep at it. It will get better. I will enjoy things again, it just takes time and sitting around depressed and sad and bored doesn't help.
Give myself things to look forward to. For 30 years I have looked forward to drinking on the weekends after working really hard during the week. I REALLY enjoyed that dopamine rush that alcohol gave me - it was my reward for being such a responsible, hardworking mother, wife, teacher, friend, sister, daughter, etc. I need to replace that with something - a hike, a massage, a trip to the mountains - instead of just doing chores and sitting around being bored all weekend. I need to find a different reward. Not sure what that is yet, but need to keep trying. Being honest, it is hard to replace the dopamine high that I got from alcohol - nothing else seems as "fun" or enjoyable.
Keep a scheduled weekend with interesting activities included. This keeps my "higher thinking brain" in control of my behaviors.
Do something challenging that furthers your personal growth. I am the happiest when being mentally challenged so I'll need to give this one some thought. What new thing could I focus my mental energy on that helps me grow as a person?
In the past I have used my thinking to change my behavior which obviously has not been successful. I think I need to shift to changing my behavior and how I spend my time (even if I don't feel like it ) to change my thinking. Instead of thinking my way out of my addiction I need to behave my way out.
Balance is the opposite of addiction.
The whole "you can act yourself into right thinking" is a real core concept in AA...interesting to see that actually has some scientific basis-LOL! I absolutely believe this is true and a very important thing to remember in recovery. If "thinking" (or should I say obsessing) about our problems could fix them, none of us would have any problems.
ReplyDeleteYour plan of just doing the deal until it becomes your new normal is spot on. I absolutely thought sobriety was boring at first. I missed the highs...possibly some self-destructive part of me kind of missed the drama of the lows as well.
I remember having a key realization one day when I realized that maybe what I was taking as "boredom" was actually serenity. Imagine that--being happy with a calm and peaceful life.
That sense of contentment and gratitude will come, Ksus...just hang in there. Keep doing the next right thing and it will get better. There will come a day when your thoughts of "I wish I could drink" will morph into "Thank God I don't have to drink" It just takes time for your body and your mind and even your spirit, I think, to settle into your new normal.
xo
Lulu
Thanks Lulu. I think you might be on to something about looking at boredom as peaceful serenity. I am just not used to it. I know that I didn't enjoy the hangovers. But, maybe, my obsessive mind did in some weird self destructive way because it sure sent it into overdrive.
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