Yesterday started out kinda rough. Still pretty physically blah but felt a little better mentally. Made myself get out of the house and went to dinner with family. Drank a Ginger Ale and gave myself permission to order a kinda pricey salmon dish as I was saving $20 on the two glasses of wine I would have normally drank. Came home and invited the neighbors (the one I wanted a beer with on Friday) over. I felt strong enough to socialize. I had blown her off on a number of occasions, including Friday, and didn't want her to think it was her so I told her everything. She knows that I go through periods of drinking and not drinking, but did not know the extent of my mental issues around my addiction. I told her that I don't necessarily drink like an alcoholic but I definitely THINK like one which would undoubtedly lead me to eventually to drinking like one. Even if that never happened, I am just sick of trying to battle the obsessive/compulsive nature of my thoughts around alcohol. She is a super nice person but they are both pretty big drinkers, so I wasn't sure what her reaction would be.
After I was done telling her a brief history, where it had gotten to and about reaching out for help, she said, "You know I love you. I am so glad you talked to me about it. You need to have friends to talk to. I don't care if you drink or not and I think it is great you recognized you have a problem and are working on it."
I would call yesterday a success and today I feel much better about tackling a sober vacation.Vacations in the past have been exhausting. Thinking about drinking, drinking every day and waking up with a hangover almost every morning. I usually get back from vacations physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I have a great time, no doubt, but certainly do not feel relaxed and rested when I get home. I am going to try to have a different focus this vacation. Instead of hyper/party vacation full of selfish drinking, fighting and hangovers, I'm going to try a calm/restful vacation full of hiking, site seeing, dining and enjoying my family.
Every day you impress me with your willingness to be honest. And now you have an ally in your neighbour.
ReplyDeleteI bet if you think back you can also remember some shitty vacation times where too much drinking ruined plans and caused arguments.
Not this time.
High five.
Anne
Yes! Telling your neighbor was awesome! I remember the first time I met my new neighbors I was super drunk. Later, after I got sober I told them. They were so supportive!
ReplyDeleteYou will be so happy you had a non drinking vacation!
xo
Wendy