6/10/16 (Fri) Strategies during times of crisis

Thoughts (my interpretations) from the book today:

The opposite of a lack-based mindset is an abundance based mindset.

Associate more pain with drinking and than pleasure with sobriety
You will do twice as much to avoid pain than to gain pleasure.
Alcohol gives immediate pleasure but long term pain.

Helen Keller, "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and sufferieng can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved."

This is a great video by Craig Ferguson that talks about how he doesn't have a drinking problem. He has a thinking problem.  He says, "If I could drink, I would drink, but I can't. Certain types of people can't drink.  I'm one of them. I quit alcohol 15 years ago and for 15 years I have been trying to get a little bit of it back."

Today's activities included going back and rereading my "before me" to remind me of how painful drinking is for me and rereading my "new me" to remind myself how wonderful the "new me" is. To really close my eyes and get a visual image of these two polar opposites so I can draw from that when I want to drink.

I also need to make a plan for what I am going to do to maintain my sobriety.  Here it is along with the times I will need to use these strategies the most.

Crisis:
Friday, Saturday or Sunday morning/afternoon when I start thinking about setting up or attending an event that involves getting myself geared up with anticipation of drinking and rationalizing all the reasons it would be ok.

Strategy:
I will go back and read my "before me" and "after me" descriptions and my purpose statement and really think about what I want out of life - instead of what I want right now.  If I am not near a computer, I will use the two versions of my myself that I have visualized to help me remember what I want out of my life.

Crisis:
In the moment cravings. When those huge urges just come over me and I just feel like crawling out of my skin because I want a drink so bad. When my addicted brain just takes over, sending me to a place of complete anxiety and panic mode until I just go get a drink to make it go away almost without rational thinking. My addicted brain starts as a whisper, "Hurry up! Go get one before you change your mind!" and turns into yelling " HURRY!!! GO NOW!!!  SCREW IT!!! YOU CAN CONTROL IT!!! HURRY!!!" until I drink. I also experience physical symptoms like sweating, feeling nervous and panicky, being obsessed with this exact decision with the inability to see past this very moment.

Strategy:
WAIT 30 MINUTES!!!!  Just give it a little time. It will pass.  I know this from past experience. Drink a seltzer water, eat a snack, take a walk, post on a support group I am part of, write on my blog, sit in the sun, take some deep breathes.

Gently remind myself that short term reward for drinking is not worth the long term pain I will experience if I give in.  That long term pain is far greater than the short term reward.  Think about - What am I gaining by not drinking (a life of happiness and peace) instead of what am I losing (relaxation, fun, fitting in). I can learn to relax, have fun and fit in without alcohol.  I can not get the life I want full of happiness, joy and peace if I drink.  I have proven that to myself in the last 30 years.  I want my life to be different and it will only change if I stay sober.  How about sitting down, drinking something non alcoholic, and figuring out a different way to socialize and have fun?

If being nice doesn't work yell back!
I CAN DO THIS! I WILL DO THIS! I DON'T NEED ALCOHOL IN MY LIFE! IT'S JUST A STUPID DRUG THAT IS RUINING MY LIFE! ALCOHOL IS KEEPING ME FROM BEING WHO I WANT TO BE! I WILL NOT GIVE IN TO THIS DRUG ANY LONGER! I CHOOSE A BETTER LIFE! I AM NOT GIVING UP ANYTHING! I AM GAINING EVERYTHING!

I am tempted to write about long term rationalizations about trying to drink again but the book says for now to focus on the next 30 days so I will stop with these 2 strategies.