I am done feeling sorry for myself. For the last 6 days I have done nothing but be on the computer (albeit reading my self help book, blogging about it and obsessively checking my email) all morning, sit around all afternoon watching stupid daytime reality tv and then dragging myslef to bed only to not be able to sleep. All I am doing is wallowing around in my own depression, obsession and self absorption just waiting for another day to pass!
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!
i have no idea what I will do 24 days from now! Maybe I will drink while only taking my naltrexone???? Maybe I will just drink and get worse???? Maybe I will not drink at all??? Who the hell knows, but I am drowning in indecisiveness, worry and self-pity.
I need to worry about today - today! What I am I going to do today to have a positive, productive happy day? I will give myself 2 hours per day on the computer bc I do still want to keep working on steps. I will give myself 2 hours a day to watch tv because I am on summer break and who cares? And I will be sober for the next 24 days. I will also work out, walk my dogs, eat well, go to yoga and get some shit done! This is ridiculous and needs to stop!
Sounds like a helluva plan. Don't worry! Get Happy!
ReplyDeleteAmen to that!
DeleteGood plan and making a list of small 20 minute jobs helps, that way you can do one job a day and after 7days you have worked your way through 1/2 or mor if your list. Hanging said that I would also cut yourself some slack for the last 6/7 days as you have managed not to drink so whatever you did worked. Believe me you will eventually calm down on the computer time, I have now forgotten to post twice in my 21 days cos I wasn't thinking about being online.
ReplyDeleteLastly and honestly it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS but I think you need to let go of that Naltrexone idea, you just need to not drink today. I think that is a bit of an enabler for you and it is not serving a useful purpose. Your reading and action seem to be doing you far more good than anything and you have lost the desperation in your 'voice'. Just don't drink today.
You can always give me your opinion You are 100% right about the naltrexone. It really is an excuse to drink, but getting the forever thought out of my head does help me to calm down. Who knows, maybe I will feel so good after these 30 days won't even care about drinking. Wouldn't that be a miracle!
DeleteToo many options. Just decide not to drink today. Do whatever it takes to do that, even if it means going to bed after work.
ReplyDeleteAnything else is an excuse to drink.