Thursday, November 24, 2011


So last night I really got back into the same mode I find myself in.  I am just going to finish the wine in the house so I don't have any left.  Ended up having around 4 glasses. No HO today - probably because I have drank 5 out of the last 6 nights - my body starts to get used to it.  However - am having mental/emotional/spiritual HO.  I just keep going down this road.  Abs for a while - feel great - think I can handle it - have a little - do great - have a little more - do great - abs - awesome! - then either a WTF or many days in a row of 3 or four. I am starting to wonder of I am able to maintain moderation.  I can do it for a while, but my drinking slowly increases - it might take a week, 2 weeks, a month, 2 months, but I always end up back at this place of frustration and sadness.   

BTW - fight with dd was not really a fight.  She wanted to do something that I would not let her do - she is 17 - if I wasn't drinking, it would have just been - no - sorry but no - I love you.  Since I had been drinking - it turned into "Why can't you see where I am coming from?  I am only doing what is best for you?  I am just trying to be a good mom, blah.....blah...blah...while I was crying.....kind of tirade - she understood why I was saying no but also knew I had had too much to drink - I am not being a great role model - that is for sure!

1 comment:

  1. Is it time to go for that crazy wonderful dream?