Thursday, November 24, 2011
So last night I really got back into the same mode I find myself in. I am just going to finish the wine in the house so I don't have any left. Ended up having around 4 glasses. No HO today - probably because I have drank 5 out of the last 6 nights - my body starts to get used to it. However - am having mental/emotional/spiritual HO. I just keep going down this road. Abs for a while - feel great - think I can handle it - have a little - do great - have a little more - do great - abs - awesome! - then either a WTF or many days in a row of 3 or four. I am starting to wonder of I am able to maintain moderation. I can do it for a while, but my drinking slowly increases - it might take a week, 2 weeks, a month, 2 months, but I always end up back at this place of frustration and sadness.
BTW - fight with dd was not really a fight. She wanted to do something that I would not let her do - she is 17 - if I wasn't drinking, it would have just been - no - sorry but no - I love you. Since I had been drinking - it turned into "Why can't you see where I am coming from? I am only doing what is best for you? I am just trying to be a good mom, blah.....blah...blah...while I was crying.....kind of tirade - she understood why I was saying no but also knew I had had too much to drink - I am not being a great role model - that is for sure!