Long day of traveling yesterday, got home super late and am exhausted today. Have a lot to do and tomorrow is Easter so have family commitments. Feeling a little down this morning. Maybe because vaca is over, maybe bc I miss my dd already, maybe bc I am still out of shape and ate pretty poorly while gone, maybe bc I drank and am disappointed in myself. Maybe just bc I am tired. Probably a combination of all of it.
Oh well, just gotta get my stuff done for the day, go to bed early and hopefully feel better tomorrow. The bad news...I drank. The good news....only 7 beers and have quit again. At least I am not giving up...
I will not give up on myself.
I will do the best I can today to be the best version of myself for today.
Back to my goal of 365 days of sobriety. I really need to give it a year to really feel what sobriety feels like and see if all those craving disappear and are replaced with joy and gratefulness.
I try to keep track every time I attempt sobriety so just for record keeping:
2012-2013
Attempt 1 - 87 Days - 12/26/11-3/17/12
Attempt 2 - 255 Days - 8/1/12 - 4/14/13
2014
Attempt 3 - 17 Days - 1/1/14-1/18/14
Attempt 4 - 7 Days - 8/11/14-8/17/14
2015
Attempt 5 - 64 Days - 1/3/15-3/5/15
Attempt 6 - 30 ?? Days - 9/28/15-??
2016
Attempt 7 - 30 Days - 12/30/15-1/30/16
Attempt 8 - 10 days - 3/28/16-4/10/16
Attempt 9 - 4 days - 4/11/16-4/16/16
Attempt 10 - 30 days - 6/6/16-7/4/16
Attempt 11 - 14 days - 9/4/16-9/18/16
2017
Attempt 12 - 20 days -1/1/17-1/21/17
Attempt 13 - 7 days - 4/17/17-4/24/17
Attempt 14 - 125 days - 6/25/17-10/29/17
2018
Attempt 15 - 77 days - 12/29/17-3/15/18
Attempt 16 - 3/27-18-
Hopefully this will be the last time I type this list bc this will be the last failure.
I, too, drank on my vacation last month after going AF for 100+ days. Although I did not black out or over-indulge, in the morning I felt depressed along with shame and guilt. I was right back to the place and feelings I wanted to leave behind.
ReplyDeleteWhat strikes me is the time between your sobriety attempts: sometimes days, sometimes months. You have such determination and drive to continue trying. You have been successful many times. Please keep going! Your future self will thank you.
Peace and strength.
Hug. You can do this.
ReplyDeleteAnne