Please don't drink this weekend. You are sitting here at 4:00 am on Monday morning feeling bloated, puffy, exhausted and disappointed in yourself. You once again decided drinking would be a good idea and have, once again, paid a steep price. Just a reminder - you were up Saturday night from 3:30-5:30 with a stomach ache, extreme anxiety, hot flashes and heart palpitations. You laid on the couch, ate quesadillas and drank ginger ale, feeling awful, watching Dr. Phil for two hours before you could go back to sleep. Is that any way to live? Were those glasses of wine worth it? You are still not working out because you are recovering from the choices of Saturday night. You have stepped back onto the hamster wheel of feeling terrible on Sun-Wed. Then, just when you body starts to get rid of all the toxins, you start convincing yourself it would be a good idea to re-poison yourself this weekend. You are never going to get in shape, find mental freedom and be the best version of yourself if you continue to poison yourself every weekend.
Be kind to yourself this weekend. Care about yourself enough to not drink. You can get though Friday, Saturday and Sunday without any alcohol. You can do it...you have done it so many times before...you know it is possible and you know you can have fun without it and you know you will be proud of yourself and feel so much better come Monday morning. It's time...it's time to do spring differently. Let's not drink for at least 40 days 4/22-6/1. You have never had a sober May. Spring is the hardest month for you to stay sober, but you can do it! Some things are going to be difficult - end of year parties that you have to attend bc they will be for you since you are leaving your school, sunny afternoons with invitations to breweries, family barbecues (like one you have to host this weekend), vacation plans, school getting out for the summer...but you can do this!
Get back to a place where you see alcohol for the toxic, addictive drug that it is. Stop romanticizing it and making it something that it isn't (the secret to weekend fun and happiness). You don't need it. It causes more hours of suffering than it does enjoyment. Being physically exhausted, emotionally disappointed and mentally obsessed/anxious lasts for 160 hours - from 3:30 Sunday morning until probably Wednesday morning after finally being able to sleep while the "fun" of drinking only lasts six hours. It's not worth it.
Do you want to spend yet another spring/summer feeling the way you feel, sitting here, after two terrible nights of sleep, still struggling, still out of shape, still not being the best version of yourself, still feeling depressed and overwhelmed and anxious and not happy? Or...do you really want this summer to be different? Nothing changes if nothing changed.
Pleeeeaaase..do not drink this weekend. Do it for yourself :)
Sincerely,
Monday morning me
Wishing things would be different has not worked for you for the past 5 years.
ReplyDeleteYou have written and re written this letter to yourself so many times. I know you mean it. I have many many letters that are exactly the same. It always seems so reasonable and possible on Monday.
if You want next weekend to be different you have to make it different. How is up to you. My recommendations are
Cancel the bbq. No matter what. No reason is big enough to set yourself up for failure. No one in your family would encourage you to use heroin if you were addicted to it. Alcohol is exactly the same for you. An addictive drug that makes you act in a way you don’t want to and that you use when you planned not to.
Call and addictions therapist/treatment centre and ask for help.
Go to aa and ask for help. Or just listen and ask yourself if you want what they have (sobriety, peace of mind and freedom) or if you are ok suffering.
Quitting an addiction takes action, work and a lot of hard days. Is it time to take the plunge?
Hug. There is hope and freedom and joy on the other side of some hard days.
Anne
Yes to everything Anne has written.
ReplyDeleteI had to do the hard steps of taking action. I told some of my closest friends, went to AA, found a therapist and told her, joined other sober groups, found a life coach in recovery as well. Later told all my family.
That is how I held myself accountable.
There is hope and joy over here!
xo
Wendy
what anne said. the part of your brain that is telling you there are bbq’s you HAVE to host, parties you HAVE to attend, that is your addict voice wearing a big ugly glasses and mustache disguise, holding the door to keep partying open. i think that until you recognize that then the cycle will keep going - that disguised voice will find you again unsuspecting on a friday night, he knows you better than you even know yourself. you need help to battle that crazed inner voice that tells you alcohol is how to have fun!
ReplyDeleteSo agree with anonymous. I can hear your addict voice, ‘the hardest month’ ‘at least 40 days, ‘have to host a bbq’ it’s altrady telling you how hard horrible and boring life willl be without booze. It lies it lies it lies it lies
ReplyDeleteSorry, that’s me above. I hope I don’t sound negative! I just mean that there is so much brainwashing around alcohol, it’s just a blessed relief when you realize that life is better without it—really really better. I always feel that you struggle because you believe that life is boring without booze, it will be if you believe that. There’s so many awesome books about reframing your cravings and seeing what they are—try Jason Vale, Alan Carr, Annie Grace (available as audio book). Cheers Claire
ReplyDeleteI have read your blog from beginning to end over the past couple of months. Today is also Day 2 for me again. I'll do the 40 days with you. For me this post is serendipitous. Please keep posting and I'll be accountable in the comments. Here's to June 1st! Libby
ReplyDeleteDo it!
DeleteIf you blog I will cheer you on!
Hugs
Anne
Me too!!! xoxo
DeleteI am on the same schedule as you, too! Today is Saturday and I got through Friday hoping you all did, too. Right now I am drinking a tonic/cranberry juice over ice in a crystal glass. It is more than satisying. Then I'm going to church. Then I will eat dinner. Then it will be past the time I normally drink and I will still be sober and able to enjoy the cool night air without a blur. Making a plan so I don't plan to fail, at least for today. Cheering for us all!
DeleteI'm with Anne 100%.
ReplyDeleteThis hamster wheel you keep talking about includes this kind of letter to yourself--the admonitions, the certainty that THIS TIME you'll be able to quit if you're just extra stern to yourself (even though you've been doing this EXACT same thing for over 5 years). If writing yourself letters and reading books hasn't helped in 5 years...maybe they're not going to work.
If you want things to be different, you need to DO something different.
When I was drinking, alcohol wore away my spirit like water erodes a stone. Every year I got more exhausted and disappointed in myself. The best gift I ever gave myself was reaching out for help. I cannot tell you how much I wish you cared enough about yourself to do the same.
xoxo
Lulu
I love that thought. It wore my spirit away too. And it happens so slowly that I never even noticed....
DeleteI like the idea of writing a letter to yourself to read before taking a drink that you don't really want.
ReplyDeleteAnother idea I have heard is to also write a letter to yourself the next time a person starts drinking to explain why what where and when It was so important to drink again.
One additional thought: If you came across this blog but it was written by a family member or very dear friend, what advice,if any,would you give to them?
Peace and strength to you.
Interesting question, George. I would would probably tell them to get some help lol (Anne :)
Delete