Thursday, June 29, 2017

6/29/17 (Thurs) - Doctors appt and blogging

I made a dr appt for today bc of some heart issues I have been experiencing - palpitations (feel like my heart is rolling over in side my chest), rapid heart beat (feeI like it is pounding out of my chest) and slight chest pains (just this little pinching sensation) that I am sure are just gas.  I want to get it checked out before I get back on that treadmill.  I am 100% positive that my drinking has caused these symptoms and am fairly certain they will go away on their own with my sobriety but I just want to get the ok from the dr. I am contemplating telling him about my drinking and asking him if that could be causing it. I am secretly hoping he tells me I need to quit drinking. Then when people ask why I am not drinking I have a concrete answer that no one can argue with or judge. I know I shouldn't care but "I was having some heart issues and the dr told me I can't drink" just seems like a pretty good reason to tell others. Maybe even if the dr doesn't say that, I will just lie and say he did :)

Also, Brian commented on my post from yesterday that I helped him quit when I was sober for 255 days. First of all WHAT???. You have been reading that long??? And I helped someone??? That kind of blew my mind. Because of that comment, I am going to make sure that I continue to blog my journey. I really only do it for me bc writing helps me process. I do, however, get a lot of support from they people who respond to me so I am glad I made it public.  If there is any chance at all that my upcoming journey into sobriety could help anyone else climb out of this hellhole - that is enough to make me continue writing.  Many times I just leave for awhile - sober or not - but I find that when I stop thinking about it - stop being diligent - that is when I start to struggle with my determination. So, it will also be good for me to continue to write about how I am feeling.  Thank you, Brian - I kinda teared up when I read your comment.


  1. Be honest with your doctor.
    Those things are absolutely cause by drinking. Palpitations and anxiety are serious signs of alcohol withdrawal.
    You don't need a doctors note. You clearly know from the years of blogging!
    Get a health check and ask him for help,
    Tell people you are putting you health first if you need a reason. Of course, you will get tons of push back because then they will feel defensive about their own health...

    It's a tough one.

    Hope you are well.

    1. I really think it is all anxiety which is hard to diagnose.

    2. A therapist could help you understand the anxiety, but many people have it resolve when they quit drinking.
      Google holiday heart. It is alcohol related.

  2. Definitely tell your doctor. I hope you get a more helpful response than I did, something like "Oh, you drink too much? Hmmm." I was hoping for a good talking to and encouragement to change my ways. I've been following your blog for about a year now, and you've been very helpful to me because I see myself and my thought processes so clearly in your posts. Please don't take this the wrong way, but seeing it all written out, how circular the thinking is, the rationalizations, determination alternating with inability to get control, etc. is exhausting. It's clear that we just need to not drink. Following your struggle has allowed me to see myself from a bit of a distance and get better perspective. So thank you, and blessings for the journey. Day 38 for me.

    1. I got the same response - not very helpful.

  3. Have you ever tried glutamine supplementation?
    I have read it reduces cravings...
    I used it as part of a natural healing treatment for leaky gut. It made a huge improvement to my digestion.

    You can but it over the counter...

  4. Hi KS
    I posted this yesterday on "Postcards from" and I don't know if it is of any help or relevance but thought to report post it anyway :)

    "Reading this makes me remember when my liver was sore and swollen & my shoes didn’t fit in the morning. My doctor said everything was fine. I saw him this week and said (really carefully) that he maybe should consider alcohol as a real problem for those of us with anxiety and sleeping disorders. He said, it is normal at my age and didn’t really feel alcohol is a factor. I know I am not being fair as he never knew the levels I was drinking, but I started somewhere – at low levels…. Even at low levels I truly believe it as a massively negative impact on anxiety disorders creating the need to keep medicating and keep upping the dose. The medical profession don’t seem to take it too seriously unless you are under a park bench with liver failure."

    It is only my experience and I wasn't honest like Anne said I should be so that would have made the diagnosis wrong. What did scare me though is he did full liver and kidney bloods back then and said I was a healthy as an ox. I don't know how health oxen are but I was (sorry to be graphic) passing clay-like stools, swollen extremities, chronic night sweats in the early hours and so many other gross things. Perhaps the types of general test they do don't show up until organ failure? Did not want to wait until then :)

    PS alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening so please do seek advice asap xxx

    1. You read my mind - this is what I am posting today.

    2. I had all those symptoms. Night sweats, joint swelling, painful liver, poor digestion, plus bleeding gums. And a perfectly clean bill of health.

      All resolved, or the true cause became apparent without booze.

      I often wonder how I functioned feeling so shitty all the time. Advil and alka seltzer were in every purse.

      Drinkers are some of the toughest people in the world.

    3. Shit Anne i forgot about the bleeding gums.
      they were all the time when I bothered to brush my teeth.
      Now - nothing, not blood, ever!
      Thanks for another reminder:)

  5. Please tell the doctor you have been drinking, and be very honest about how much.
    He/she can't help you if they are missing a key piece.

    We never know who we are helping with our words and journey, so I am happy you will keep blogging!

    1. I did tell him but he didn't say much about it...

  6. You forgot something in this entry! Thursday, June 29, 2017 was day 8 for you! No worries, I'll brag for you. :)

  7. Please keep blogging about your journey. It helps to know we are not alone and there are others out there who understand what it's like to want to be done with the craziness!