Sunday, June 25, 2017

6/25/17 (Sun) Still feeling the effects 4 days later (21 drinks in 8 days)!!!

Yesterday I just felt crappy (and still a bit today) - head pressure, ridiculously tired (even after 10 hours of sleep), kind of out of it and dizzy. I hadn't drank in a couple days and couldn't figure out why. Then it hit me...because you drank 7 out of 8 days - dumbass!
Wed 6/14 drank 3 beers with neighbors
Fri 6/16 drank 4 drinks with my sister (you know - let's get vacation started early as we left the next day)
Sat 6/17 drank 4 glasses of wine (2 at the airport during a layover bc who doesn't drink at the airport? and 2 on the plane which I usually don't do but the tv screen in my seat wasn't working so they offered me wine instead which I was secretly hoping they would do when I complained)
Sun 6/18 drank 2 beers in the afternoon at a brewery bc you have to try out new breweries and 3 glasses of wine the last of which I gulped down secretly in the kitchen of some friends we were visiting which I woke up terrified the next morning someone had seen me
Mon 6/19 drank 3-4 beers - I can't remember (after waking up vowing not to drink for the rest of the vacation)
Tues 6/20 drank 2 glasses of wine with dinner - kinda grumpy all day until I drank
Wed 6/21 drank 2 glasses of wine with dinner - kinda grumpy all day until I drank

That is 21 drinks in 8 days! No wonder my head still feels weird and crappy and dizzy and out of it and tired! And no wonder I weight 20-25 pounds more than I ever have!

Plus I have had at least 3 (I lose track) debilitating hangovers in the 4 weeks preceding vacation.

I read last night in The Naked Mind that eventually we don't even drink for the benefits of alcohol anymore it is more just to cure the withdrawals of not having it - which we do get every time we drink - it is an addictive drug. I don't get shakes or seizures or sweats but I sure as hell get grumpy, irritable, tired and unhappy when not drinking.  My kids accused me of being grumpy on the last day of vacation.  I swore I wasn't bc I really wasn't upset about anything and not hungover but I do think I was just really blah feeling, kind of quiet...certainly not joyful.  They are used to either seeing vacation drinking mama who is hyper, loud and almost having too much fun (or fighting with dh) or hungover mom which is tired and grumpy and quiet.  They knew I hadn't drank much the day before so they weren't quite sure what to do with me. Little did they know I was still feeling the effects from the past week of drinking. I told them they just aren't used to sober mom on vacation.  I might have been sober but certainly wasn't happy or joyful. Just kind of dragging myself through my days. What a sad way to spend valuable time with my family on vacation. I don't think I can feel pure joy when drinking.  I can feel the excitement of the anticipation of drinking and the high I get while drinking but isn't it kind of a sad state of affairs when the only time I feel happiness is when it invokes alcohol.

I wish alcohol didn't effect me the way it does - but it does - and it sucks!

Maybe it is actually a blessing in disguise. Maybe is doesn't suck. Maybe I am the lucky one in that alcohol does have such a profound effect on me, that I need to quit drinking.  I, unlike the rest of society it seems, will be free from this drug and finally living the life I want to live while everyone else is still stuck in some state of addiction and denial.  My body's reaction to alcohol is the one thing that will set me free.

And yes, Kary May, I am still analyzing and dissecting but I am not drinking lol :)
I know I need to start shifting my thinking from the past and how bad things are and wallowing in my unhappiness to looking forward and being grateful. Instead of focusing on what I am missing - start focusing on what I am gaining by giving up alcohol.

Day 4....and counting 💪👍😀


  1. I just came home from another sober vacation, and I loved it.
    I am learning more each day that I stay sober.
    The world is quite interesting and colorful without drinking.

  2. the mind clings to its addiction. There is no easy way to see the truth when you are trapped in the pit.
    Try to get some momentum going. Give yourself a pass if you are grumpy.

  3. Keep at it. I'm on day husband and I agreed to do a "Sober Summer" so we can try not to let these long days pass us by while we're either guzzling wine or recovering from the guzzling. I enjoy reading your blog and can identify with so much of what you write. Hang in there!

    1. That's great you are doing it together.
      Try some new things. You might be shocked at all that goes on when you are out and about sober!

    2. Yes! Went to a baseball game last night (without beer!) and stayed up much later than the normal wine fueled pass out schedule. And we had fun...who knew?!?