Sunday, June 11, 2017

6/11/17 (Sun) More congnizant

I did drink this weekend - but I do have good news.  Last night we went with some friends to a brewery to watch a band play.  I volunteered to drive us all home - mostly so I wouln't drink. I did end up drinking 2 light beers before we left (dh drove there) and then didn't have any after that and drove all the wasted people home at 10:30 - at which time they all continued to drink. I did stay up and chat with my friend until 12:30 but didn't drink. Here are some things I noticed:

1.  Drinking is kinda stupid. I sat at the brewery wondering how all those drunk people were getting home. When I was going to bed I was listening to the police scanner in my city (I know - weird - but I like it). All of the calls the dispatcher was sending police to had something to do with alcohol or drugs.  I was thinking that I be the cops just wish everyone would stop drinking and drugging and just go to bed.  It was 1:30 in the morning for pete's sakes.  Drugs and alcohol are just really stupid for society.

2.  Drinking robs me of true conversations. Because I was sober, I was able to have a couple of really good, authentic, sober, unselfish conversations which would not have happened had I been drinking. While I feel drinking is what makes me have all my friends, I think it really just creates shallow relationships. It was nice to wake up this morning, remember everything I said and be grateful for the real connections I made.

3. I can be sober, not bored and social. I was able to sit with my friend until 12:30, while she continued to drink, and have a conversation with her.  While I kinda wished she would leave bc I was tired, I wasn't bored with the conversation. She shared a lot with me that I don't think she would of had she been sober. It felt good to be the sober one and truly be able to listen without having to constantly interject my story that relates to what she is saying.  It was kind of calming in a way - to be sober and truly listen.  I did get a little bored at the brewery but I would rather be a little bored, sober and have real conversations than buzzed, hyper, annoying and selfish.

4. I am thankful when I don't drink.  I came downstairs last night at 2:30 to tell my dh and his friend what time it was and they were still drinking.  I was so glad that wasn't me.  And I'm sure I feel a heck of a lot better than all of them this morning.  Even though I do had a little shakiness in my heart from only the two beers - which helps me realize that any amount of alcohol is just toxic to my body - its like intentionally poisoning myself and for what?  For nothing other than I am addicted to it.

Even though I did drink this weekend, I am still posting and still wanting total sobriety.  This is a huge improvement. In the past, my all or nothing attitude would cause me to not post and give up on sobriety when I drank.  Even when I do drink, I am really trying to notice why I don't like it and really be aware of how amazing being sober feels.  Something has shifted.

I am getting there.

Image result for making progress


4 comments:

  1. I am on the Air Force Base in the Springs and last night about 1:30 a.m. I was awakened by a couple fighting in the street. I assume they were drinking, she was screaming something about someone being kidnapped, he was shouting he loved her and trying to get her back into the house. I didn't know whether to call the cops or not. I went outside to get the address of the house they had gone into and noticed other people there so left it to them to take care of. This morning at 7 a.m. the man and another guy were out in the street looking for something, (keys? a ring?) the man from last night kept wiping his eyes like he was crying, finally he just sat down on the curb with his hands on his knees and his friend came and sat by him not saying a word-this was right outside my son's living room window, just call me Gladys Kravitz. They finally went back inside. A little while later, the girl came out, I was so relieved to see her, she looked for something in the street, too, then got in her car and drove off.

    Just another fun night of drinking, I suppose.

    I'm glad you got the experience you got last night, keep racking them up and your friends will come to depend on you as the person they can really talk to when they need it. That's something of real value.

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  2. I have found that I love my sober conversations so much more.
    My drink ones were definitely boring, and I ended up saying the same things over and over again.
    I want to leave events much sooner now, too, and I am happy about that.
    Good for you for seeing the positives about not drinking!
    xo
    Wendy

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  3. I think you have some good insights.
    belle at tired of thinking about drinking has had some good advice for someone looking to quit drinking recently. You might want to check her blog out.
    Perhaps if you limit social engagements you might be able to get some real sober traction. It's worth considering.

    Take care!

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  4. These are really cool thoughts. I don't have anything a great as a police scanner (and if I did this is NZ and it wouldn't be exciting at all), but have been watching heap of stupid CI channel stuff. The stories start off like everyone is lovely and innocent, then once you get down to it everyone is wasted on alcohol then try to score drugs.

    So I like you point and am going through this whole thought process on the stupidity of alcohol as a whole.

    You are well on your way
    Michelle xxx

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