Saturday, January 11, 2014

My Party

Day 11

So I didn't go tot he party  last night and I was fine with that.  I saw others getting in their car after work to head over and I thought about the anticipation I would have felt if I were going and drinking.  I used to feel like I just couldn't get there fast enough.  Sometimes I would go home and "freshen up" a bit before while also loosening up with a beer.  Although I felt a little twinge of that, I wasn't jealous.

I had to pick my son up at high school and get him something to eat (15 yo starving boy) so I couldn't have gone right after anyway.  If I didn't go right away, the anticipation would go away and sometimes I wouldn't go anyway - lesson - just wait it out, it will pass.

I woke up this morning wondering how  I would have had I gone and drank (like before).  Many times when I went to these work parties I drank so  much, got home really late and felt terrible the next day.  I am embarrassed to say, a couple times I even drove home when  I knew I shouldn't have.  Who knows maybe last night would have been the night I got a DUI, or God forbid gotten into an accident.  Maybe last night would have been the night that  I was saying, "I am so stupid!  I knew I had a problem!  Why did I let it get this far?  Why din't I just stop?"  I know deep down in my gut and in my sole and in my heart that if I don't stop something terrible is going to happen.  I am not a "doomsdayer" but I just know this path I am going down can not lead anywhere good.  Even if nothing terrible happens, nothing will get better - I will still be fighting this drug that is ruining my inner being.

Instead, last night, my husband, son and 19 yo daughter (who isn't home all that often) had a "Breaking Bad" marathon with plenty of popcorn and juice spiked club soda.  It was way more satisfying and felt so much better in my heart than if I was at that party ignoring my family just so I could drink!  Today I am not 100% - woke up with a headache and still feel tired, but I am proud of myself and don't have a hangover!

3 comments:

  1. I think the key is " so much better in my heart". It's the whole reason to give it up, to feel much better in our hearts. I'm so glad you had a good night. I'm getting hooked on Breaking Bad too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello my name is Chloe Elizabeth I'm from USA i want to testify of a great and powerful spell caster my husband left me and the kids for 2 weeks when i called him he didn't pick up when he came back home the 3rd week he told me he wanted a divorce i was so sad i cried all night he left again i was so lonely the next day i was searching for something online when i found a spell caster called Dr ogunsnya who have helped so many people with their problems so i contacted him with my problems he told me it will take 24hrs and my husband will be back to me i did every thing he told me to do and the next day my husband came back kneeling and begging he canceled the divorce we are now happy together Dr ogunsnya can help you too Email him at

    (drogunsnya@gmail.com)

    WhatsApp +2347064365391

    ReplyDelete