I am a 50 year old wife, teacher and mother of 2. I have a 19 year old son and a 23 year old daughter. I am fighting this damn drug called alcohol. I have been a weekend binge drinker for 30 years. I binge 2-3 times a month on a Friday or Saturday, but alcohol kicks my butt every single day of my life. I am sick of it!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
My thoughts today...
I have learned that I can not take my relationship with alcohol for granted. I can't just ignore it, stop working on it, pretend that I don't struggle with it. I am NOT like other people. I do have issues and I do need to be careful. I am not just making a big deal out of something...it is a big deal. I do need to count, delay, slow down, drink water and all that stuff that comes with paying attention. I learned there that if I don't do those things, if I pretend I don't have a problem, it becomes a very big problem.
I was never a daily drinker, and if I can keep my BAC down on Friday and Saturday nights, I will be fine. I will not take that for granted.
My journey is my journey and I need to do this to see if I can. I know it seems kinda stupid and if I fail (get a hangover) I will quit for good. I would rather be miserable in perm abs than miserable drinking. I know that now. As much as I struggled in perm abs, it was nothing compared to being miserable with a hangover.
I am writing this blog mostly for myself. It is a place for me to record my journey. I have maybe learned something in these 85 days of abs and maybe I can have a beer in the sun once in a while and not have it be such a big deal - I hope so with all of my heart. If I can't, then I can't and I will quit forever. I have never quit for an extended period of time and tried again coming from a positive, thoughtful place. I need to try this. I know some of you shake your heads and think I am being so stupid. Maybe I am, but this is my journey.
For those of you that still want to follow, I will keep you posted. So far I have only had one beer in 88 days.