Monday, March 12, 2012

Just Get Over It!

My dh and I got in a pretty big fight last night.  I have not been the nicest person to him - I know that.  I think I try to put on such a strong image for everyone else, that  get a little lazy around him.  I act like my pissy, annoyed, depressed, grumpy self that I don't let the rest of the world see.  He said he was tired of it. I said that I am going through some pretty tough shit right now!  He asked if I have been going through it for years?!?  I think maybe I have, in one way or another. He said, "I used to be a drug addict! (he smoked pot in HS)  Just get over it!"  I was hurt, pissed and shocked!  How dare he say that to me!  This is hard!  I walked out of the room...he slept on the couch...

And then I thought about what he said. Maybe he is right.  Maybe I just need to get over myself.  I chose this road!  I longed for this road!  I used to imagine the strong me that didn't drink, was a fantastic role model, lived without regrets and was happy.  All of that is true except the happy part.  Why?  This is what I have wanted for so long! What is the problem?

I did notice that when my thoughts were - I am never drinking again - I was happier, more at peace, more accepting of the idea.

Somewhere in the last couple of weeks, my thoughts shifted to - I will wait at least 120 days and then decide if I want to try again - my positive attitude changed - grumpier, angry, depressed, anxious.

I wonder why?


  1. Cant feed both beasts girl. One or the other, it will tear you up. I got in a fight with C today to. Relationships are hard, especially when I want to drink and he is doing so good. Two weeks ago I tried to talk him into sharing some wine with me. He never liked wine in the first place. I was convincing, I thought. Turns out he wants better for me and duh, I should want better to. Its fucking hard.

  2. Nice informative blog, thanks for sharing.