Sunday, March 18, 2012

3/18/12 (Sun) Well... Drank

I did have one beer yesterday. I thought long and hard about it.  It was not in response to an intense craving.  It was in response to a craving that I want to be able to have a beer once in a while and not have it be a big deal.  I had one and was done.  I had one beer and it was not a big deal at all - good or bad.  It wasn't this, "Yes, this is awesome.  I missed it!"  It also wasn't, "O crap!  What have I done!"  It just wasn't a big deal.  It was nice to sit there and enjoy my neighbors' and husband's company without freaking out.  I did ask myself, "Why can't I just do this with a pop?"  I really tried to pay attention to what it actually does for me.  It does relax me but at the same time made me tired.  I didn't really like that.  Went out to dinner after.  Dh had a Guinness with his Irish food.  I had a diet pepsi.  It just sounded better.  I was trying to be good or denying myself.  I just didn't want another one.  My neighbor came over after that to watch a movie.  I wasn't sure if I would have another one or not.  She brought over seltzer water so I just had that with her and had absolutely no cravings to have another.  My dh was drinking a really nice homemade stout for the neighbor next door.  It was nice to just take a sip of it to see if I liked it without having these intense guilt feelings.  All in all so far so good...

BTW - I am also working on keeping negative responses from having an effect on me.  I have spent my whole life trying to justify myself to others.  I have to figure this out on my own.  People can have their opinions (they might think I am negative or feel sorry for my family) but I can't let that affect me.  I am an extremely positive person, always see the bright side and am an excellent mother!  Not always the best wife but I am working on that.  Those kinds of remarks tend to be very cutting to me and really hurt my heart - even if I don't know who said them bc I am pretty sensitive.  I beat myself up enough without someone else chiming in. I am really trying to work on that, but....if you can't say something in a constructive, sensitive way, please don't leave a comment.  It isn't very helpful to me.  It makes me feel like shit and that does not help.  I do want people to give me there opinion (even if they disagree), but please don't be mean.

Thank you Mrs. D - I loved your response.  Honest, real but not hurtful.


  1. Thank you for your insight. Very helpful to me as I said on your previous post. I do not feel that I am that insightful but I know that your posts are speaking to me! TMary

  2. I wondered what was up with you so I thought I'd check your blog.

    Well...I'm not sure this is a great decision (or at least it sure wouldn't be for me-ha!) but it's certainly yours to make. And I wish you success and happiness in this and in everything.

    All the best,

  3. As the old saying goes, "the truth hurts."

  4. Sorry if my comments were cutting. If you read your own posts and look at it from an outside perspective everything you say is asking for help, a cry to be free it seems - including your own blog description. So when you write a post about 10 ways your going to drink more effectively I am not sure what type of reaction you were expecting. I think its best if I don't follow your blog, I was really only trying to be supportive. Take care - and I am sure you are a great person, was never doubting that :)