Sunday, March 18, 2012

Well... Drank

I did have one beer yesterday. I thought long and hard about it.  It was not in response to an intense craving.  It was in response to a craving that I want to be able to have a beer once in a while and not have it be a big deal.  I had one and was done.  I had one beer and it was not a big deal at all - good or bad.  It wasn't this, "Yes, this is awesome.  I missed it!"  It also wasn't, "O crap!  What have I done!"  It just wasn't a big deal.  It was nice to sit there and enjoy my neighbors' and husband's company without freaking out.  I did ask myself, "Why can't I just do this with a pop?"  I really tried to pay attention to what it actually does for me.  It does relax me but at the same time made me tired.  I didn't really like that.  Went out to dinner after.  Dh had a Guinness with his Irish food.  I had a diet pepsi.  It just sounded better.  I was trying to be good or denying myself.  I just didn't want another one.  My neighbor came over after that to watch a movie.  I wasn't sure if I would have another one or not.  She brought over seltzer water so I just had that with her and had absolutely no cravings to have another.  My dh was drinking a really nice homemade stout for the neighbor next door.  It was nice to just take a sip of it to see if I liked it without having these intense guilt feelings.  All in all so far so good...

BTW - I am also working on keeping negative responses from having an effect on me.  I have spent my whole life trying to justify myself to others.  I have to figure this out on my own.  People can have their opinions (they might think I am negative or feel sorry for my family) but I can't let that affect me.  I am an extremely positive person, always see the bright side and am an excellent mother!  Not always the best wife but I am working on that.  Those kinds of remarks tend to be very cutting to me and really hurt my heart - even if I don't know who said them bc I am pretty sensitive.  I beat myself up enough without someone else chiming in. I am really trying to work on that, but....if you can't say something in a constructive, sensitive way, please don't leave a comment.  It isn't very helpful to me.  It makes me feel like shit and that does not help.  I do want people to give me there opinion (even if they disagree), but please don't be mean.

Thank you Mrs. D - I loved your response.  Honest, real but not hurtful.

4 comments:

  1. Thank you for your insight. Very helpful to me as I said on your previous post. I do not feel that I am that insightful but I know that your posts are speaking to me! TMary

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  2. I wondered what was up with you so I thought I'd check your blog.

    Well...I'm not sure this is a great decision (or at least it sure wouldn't be for me-ha!) but it's certainly yours to make. And I wish you success and happiness in this and in everything.

    All the best,
    Lulu

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  3. As the old saying goes, "the truth hurts."

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  4. Sorry if my comments were cutting. If you read your own posts and look at it from an outside perspective everything you say is asking for help, a cry to be free it seems - including your own blog description. So when you write a post about 10 ways your going to drink more effectively I am not sure what type of reaction you were expecting. I think its best if I don't follow your blog, I was really only trying to be supportive. Take care - and I am sure you are a great person, was never doubting that :)

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