Friday, January 6, 2017

1/6/16 (Fri) Not an option

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I did sleep last night, albeit terrible hurrying, missing flights, not having plane tickets, can't find my suitcase, running late, no one worried about it except me, stressful dreams - but still slept which is good.

I feel good about not drinking this weekend - I made the decision, and I am sticking to it. No debating, thinking about it, talking myself into or out of it - I'm just not drinking.  It does feel a little bit of a relief to have it not even be an option.  There is a work party after school today, and I am not going.  I feel a little bad bc it is a "holiday" party and my boss is going, but I have to do what is best for ME and that is not going.  Plus, it's kinda stupid the holiday party is in January and it is a 6:00 so once I got home, I wouldn't have felt like it even if I was drinking.  I would have been much more tempted if it was right after work (but I still wouldn't have gone). One person was upset at me yesterday bc I'm not going. She asked, "Why not?" Instead of making up some excuse or bailing at the last minute, I just said, "Because I don't feel like it."  She said, "I will get you those hard seltzers, please..."  I said, "I'm not drinking in January." She knows I did a dry January last year, so she wasn't surprised. She said, "Thanks a lot."

I don't care. I'm not going. What real difference is it going to make if I am there or not?  In the past I would have gone for a couple hours, drank, come home and drank some more and felt like shit tomorrow.  Or when it was really bad - gone out after with them to the bar and not gotten home until midnight - then felt guilty and crappy the next day. Really - everyone will go do what they do with or without me. Me going and being tempted to drink and/or bored out of my mind bc I'm not is worse for me than me not going is bad for them. I know that I'm not going to isolate and avoid social situations this time but it's only day 5, I'm exhausted, and I really just don't want to go out to a party once I am already home and comfortable. I have to do what is best for me and that is coming home, curling up on the couch (it is freezing where I am), watching some stupid television, going to bed early and sleeping in. That's what I'm doing and as the teenagers say - everyone that doesn't like it can just "suck it!"

I think maybe I will just sleep all weekend - and I don't feel one bit bad about it :)

3 comments:

  1. Great decision! Proud of you! That's the way it's done. I remember in my first few weeks of sobriety being a bit of a hermit, turning in early...it was the best thing I did! You will feel very happy with yourself tomorrow. - Hugs, Melissa

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  2. I am really glad you stayed home.
    Those work parties got me in trouble more than once.
    Teachers can drink a lot!
    xo
    Wendy

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