I'm going back to my blog last summer when I read The 30 Day Solution. I only got to day 6, so I'm going to figure out what derailed me and try again. I learned this in the first 5 days
Day 1 - I need to change my response in order to learn new behaviors. Instead of just staying home and complaining about not being able to drink and therefore not wanting to socialize, I need to go, stay sober, have a good time and learn that I don't need alcohol to socialize and have fun. If I don't ever change my response, I am never going to learn anything differently and then be able to change my outcome.
Day 4 - Strategy when having a craving
WAIT 30 MINUTES!!!! Just give it a little time. It will pass. I know this from past experience. Drink a seltzer water, eat a snack, take a walk, post on a support group I am part of, write on my blog, sit in the sun, take some deep breathes.
Day 5 - Forgiveness - no comment - can't do this one
Day 6 - Believe in myself
"When you decide what you want, believe it is possible, believe in yourself and then work hard to get it, you take 100% control of your destiny." Am I always looking for the answer I want to hear rather than hearing the truth?
And then I quit and started drinking again. I think it was because on day 5 (in June) my sister invited me to Florida in August and I just did not have confidence to know I wouldn't drink then so I just gave up - sort of like - well if I'm going to drink in August anyway, I might as well drink now. My commitment to being sober dropped to 99% and that's all it took. My blogs after that were an up and down roller coaster of drinking, not drinking, feeling good, feeling horrible. I need to get off the roller coaster.
I have got to figure out a way to not care about what others think about me not drinking. I use it as an excuse to drink. It derails me every time! I find myself thinking - What if I don't get invited to Lake Powell again/get invited to pub crawls/get invited to so out of town to neighbor's cabins or condos/get invited to Florida for vacation/get invited to parties bc I'm not drinking? Because my not drinking is making drinkers uncomfortable to be around me? Oh just screw it, I can moderate! I'll just try harder. It's not worth it!
I don't know how much harder I can try! I have been seriously trying to moderate for years!
I need to figure out a way to do what I know is best for me. I know the people who love and care about me will stand by me...I know this...I just have to figure out a different way to interact with them on a sober level. I know I will actually be a better friend, sister, mother, wife, daughter and person sober. I just have to get there. And if they don't invite me to vacations and parties then shame on them because I have to do this for me! Their need to drink with me should not be more important than their need to have a relationship with me.
I just need to let holding on so tightly, just let go and trust the process. I have never been to AA, but maybe this is what is means to surrender to the idea that I can not change the fact that I can not successfully moderate long term and I can not process alcohol any more - even when I do manage to moderate. I CAN NOT CHANGE THIS - it is a biological, physical fact about MY body and brain that I can not change. As much as I wish I could moderate and not have hangovers, it is not in the cards for me - it is just not possible anymore and the longer I keep a tight grip on that hope and do not surrender to the fact that I can't change it, the longer I will be miserable.
I CAN NOT MODERATE LONG TERM
I CAN NOT PROCESS ANY AMOUNT OF ALCOHOL IN MY BODY ANYMORE
I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER WHEN I DON'T DRINK
I surrender and accept these three truths