4/10/17 (Mon) - Negative Effects of Alcohol

Here are some of the negative effects I am experiencing right now bc of my weekend alcohol consumption (besides the obvious debilitating effect of hangovers at least every other weekend). These are effects I feel starting when I go to bed and for at least 2-3 days following drinking

Physical effects
Heart palpitations - happens every time I drink and try to sleep - feels like my heart is rolling over
Chest discomfort - maybe I am imagining it
Tired all the time - bc I can't sleep
Indigestion/heartburn - like seriously hurting my throat every time I drink and try to go to sleep
Feeling of allergies in the morning - congestion/itchy watery eyes and nose
Dehydration - causing lethargy, wrinkly skin
Indigestion problems - constipation for days followed by cramping and diarrhea
Lack of motivation - therefore out of shape - 20 pounds overweight which causes depression

Mental Effects
Easily distracted
Am not thinking 100% clearly - kind of in a mental fog
Sometimes have trouble articulating clearly (when sober) - words get jumbled up
Inability to make any decisions at all about anything - extreme analysis paralysis
Trouble following through with projects, household chores, etc.
Can't get more than 5 hours of sleep at night - difficulty falling asleep
Cannot keep any goal I set for myself at all ever
Extreme anger at myself - always beating myself up - feeling defeated

Emotional Effects
Feeling like I need to hide from everyone and isolate causing feelings of loneliness
Extreme anxiety causing insomnia
Not feeling like I am available to anyone because I am living in my own little nightmare
Depression - never feeling any joy or true happiness
Exhaustion - feel like I am dragging myself through my days
Lack of motivation to do anything
Irritability with everyone all  the time
Don;t really even like my life so think about leaving/divorcing/living by myself
Extreme worry about everything
No feeling of joy in my life

And this one is new and kinda scares me a lot - it is really hard to explain.
I almost feel like there is something wrong with my brain. Last night - my brain felt so strange (even after only 2 beers) when I was trying to fall asleep for like 4 hours.  I felt like every time I sort of fell asleep I had kind of a half asleep dream/hallucinate and then woke up. Like once I truly felt my son come into my room, lay down next to me and tell me his head didn't feel right and in my sleeping stupor I couldn't respond. Then I woke up and felt like it really happened - like I could feel the weight of him next to me. This happened over and over with different situations.  It was the weirdest thing. I truly felt like I was awake when it was happening only to immediately wake up and feel confused with my brain feeling really weird like I was loosing my mind.  Has anyone else experienced that before? What the hell is that?

And all of this for what???????  To feel like I fit in with my friends? To have a drink while I cook? To drink and sit in the sun? To be able to look forward to a weekend/vacation of drinking?

I have a felling I better figure out how to enjoy my life without alcohol before it does some serious, irreversible damage to my brain and body.

I need to figure it out before it is too late.  How do I choose to live without alcohol before it ruins me?