Friday, April 21, 2017

4/21/27 (Fri) - Nervous

I haven't had a sober weekend in a awhile. I have gotten back in the habit of drinking as soon as I get home on Friday afternoon. Not usually too much, but still.  Saturday I am back in the habit of coordinating some kind of situation (getting together with neighbors or family or going out to dinner or just looking around the neighborhood texting any of my drinking friends with a "what's up" and hoping they mention "wanna have a drink").  I feel like I am plotting and planning in my head all day to have an excuse to drink in the late afternoon/evening. Lately, I have been drinking too much on Saturdays and feeling crappy on Sunday. If I do manage to moderate on Saturday, then I usually figure out a way to justify drinking on Sunday (family dinner, BBQ, yard work, just happen to go outside when my neighbor is out there bc I know she will always say "wanna have a beer?",  then I act like "well, idk, it's Sunday, I have to work tomorrow, OK just one (which is never just one). It is all so much bullshit and planning nd energy.  Then I wake up Monday and fell terrible just trying to get through the day. I don;t work out. I eat like crap, I am bloated, exhausted, depressed, etc. I don't start feeling better until Thursday and start the whole cycle over.  In fact, my brain was telling me yesterday - just drink - who cares - try harder - don't blog - summer is coming - you can;t do this over summer - just work out - you are fine.

SHUT UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 I AM NOT DRINKING THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoa, wait a minute-----------I am staying sober this weekend!  There that feels better.


  1. Plan for a white weekend. Get all the booze out of the house. Enlist your family to support you.

    You know the next action. You can do this. For you.


  2. Anne is right.
    This is for you.
    You can do this.

  3. Well my dh works for a major beer company so that is not possible. I will need to have the will power to not drink it. It really shouldn't matter. If I really don't want to drink then I won't :)

  4. It actually isn't really about willpower. That is one thing AA gets right. Surrendering any thought that one can control themselves once alcohol is added is fruitless.
    Consider a person with OCD who washes their hands until they bleed.
    Could they use willpower to stop? If they could, they would...but the drive to wash is too strong.
    Alcohol addiction is a form of OCD. we all recognize the obsession and compulsion. Wanting not to drink is only part of it. The only way to make it work is to make it easier to not drink than to drink.

    Take care. It is hard for a while...everything needs to change. But it is worth it.