As you can guess, I drank last night!!! Only two beers, but once again failed a promise I made to myself about a sober weekend. I really don't know why. I started BBQing and a beer just sounded good, so I had one. I didn't really even wrestle with it in my mind. I just got one and drank it. No big deal. And then I drank another one but did stop at two even though I wanted a third. I would have called that a semi-success except I broke a promise to myself (for the millionth time) and I fell like crap today.
No big deal?!?!?!? I woke up at 1:30 after three hours of sleep (wnet to bed two hours past my usual bedtime) had a terrible stomach ache, a bit of a headache and never went back to sleep. Just like liast Sunday!!! After only two beers?!?!?!? My body is intolerant of alcohol.
So here I am - another Monday feeling tired (not so much hungover like last Monday) but still tired, pissed at myself, and grumpy. Choose the behavior....choose the consequence.
Well...I can't change it and I won't stop trying so here is to next weekend being a sober weekend.
And I would like to apologize to myself for being a dumb ass yet again.
Now that all of that is out......I am going to try to stay positive about my road to sobriety rather than dwell on my failure.
Back to climbing that damn hill...
I'm not sure what to say except dust yourself off and move forward. Maybe this will be the day one that changes everything. That's a choice only you can make.
ReplyDeleteI really like that quite at the end. I use it all the time. I spent a lot of time trying to prove I was meant to drink....but truly, no one is. It's unnatural.
It is just a drug...same as heroine, cocaine, meth...
DeleteK, you stopped at 2, how far is that from a year ago, two years ago? I think you may be reaching the point that I finally had to reach before I could quit, the point to which the physical fallout never gets better-you never get to slide by without the consequences. For a while, I kept on thinking, "Maybe this time won't be as bad" but without fail, I'd wake up at 2 a.m. with the palpitations and anxiety. Some people are able to quit without getting to that point, but, I wasn't. It took the realization that there was no more reversing the damage, it was only going to get progressively worse. I finally decided I didn't want to see how much worse.
ReplyDeleteNo time like the present, Sweetheart.
You are so right, Kary. A couple of years ago it would have been complete success. Now even after two, I get the physical torture. I just don;t know if my body can handle alcohol any more.
DeleteStart again.
ReplyDeleteNever give up.
I found that as I got older, the less alcohol my body could tolerate.
3 glasses of wine gave me the horrible night things.
xo
Wendy
I will never give up!
Delete