Monday, February 13, 2017
2/13/17 - Scratch that - very disappointed
Had a very productive day yesterday and then proceeded to drink 4 hard seltzers while cooking dinner. Very disappointed in myself.
I wonder why my drinking creeps up on my when I am feeling good. You would think that if I were feeling positive about sobriety and/or not drinking too much over the weekend, it would encourage me to stay the course. Instead I drink bc I feel good about not drinking. It doesn't make sense.
I know this happened with my dad, which is why I went to 7 different elementary schools. We would move for a fresh start, he would do really well for awhile, then he would drink, lose his teaching job and we would have to move again. I could never understand why he would go back to drinking when things were going so well.
It is almost like the addiction does not allow you to see that things are going well BECAUSE you are not drinking not in spite of it. And it gives you this false sense of confidence that you can try to drink moderately again. Man - alcohol sure does mess your mind up...it is a bizarre thing.
Still striving for sobriety...