St Patricks' Day has never been much of a trigger for me. I am not Irish and it usually falls during the week anyway. Absing during the week was never much of a problem until the last 2 years or so. I had some cravings again last night. I was driving through a cute little town we live next to (I had to run an errand). Everyone was sitting outside at the various restaurants and taverns enjoying a "drink" in the sun on a Friday night. THAT is a big trigger for me. I am trying to not look at all those people with jealousy. I just look at them and think they are so lucky, to be able to do that...to not have a problem..to be a normal drinker..I am still so desperately hanging on to that image...and I don't know why. Someone basically told me to stop whining the other day. It really hurt my feelings because I just can't seem to help it. I AM TRYING!! I AM NOT DRINKING!! That is hard enough right now. I tried to tell myself that probably many of those people have their own drinking problems and that I am glad I wasn't starting that hamster wheel again and that many of them will wake up this morning feel just as defeated and hungover as I did for years. I tell myself all of those things. Now I just need to start believing them.
I am going to try really hard today to be grateful for the beautiful spring day and not starting it with a hangover. To ENJOY being sober and not having to deal with all of the drama in my head that comes with drinking. The first thing I need to do is get off the computer. See ya .....
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