Monday, January 4, 2016

1/4/16 (Mon) Vegas and doing a 30

Well....I decided to keep writing. It really helps me process all that I am thinking and feeling.  I don't do it for the feedback, although I truly enjoy when people care and respond to what is going on in my life. I feel that I have made some really good "cyber" friends and I value your honest opinions and feedback. I really just need to write in order to process my journey.  So I will continue to write....

My Christmas break was a disaster.  Granted my daughter turned 21 and we took her to Vegas to celebrate, but it was a disaster all the way around.  I drank 11 of the 16 days with 4 pretty substantial hangovers.  I stopped taking the naltrexone and just went back to my old ways.

The last day I drank was December 29 and it took 5 days to reenter my life.  My "brain fog" finally lifted yesterday and I go back to work today.  I have spent the last two weeks either drinking in the evenings or recovering from drinking.  I am totally exhausted.

I am not drinking the month of January (at least).  I need a break. My body needs a break.  My mind needs a break. My spirit needs a break. I feel so much better when I don't drink.  I am so much more patient, kind, quiet, calm and peaceful when I don't drink.  I need to stop letting my need to drink on Friday and Saturday nights ruin the rest of my life.

I listened to this 8 minute meditation  today that I thought was very appropriate to the new year.  What really matters? my joy, happiness, peacefulness, contentment and self love every day of the week OR my "need" to have a drug on Friday and Saturday to be social and enjoy my weekend (which is really just an illusion that drug addiction throws over my eyes to make me continue).