Wednesday, May 24, 2017
5/24/27 (Wed) Addiction is so weird
It is so weird to me that what is making me the most sick, is what I crave. Last night after a horrible hangover this weekend that I still hadn't fully recovered from. Even though my stomach hurt, I was exhausted, bloated, depressed....the thought came into my head to just sit down and have a beer probably to forget how bad I was feeling. How dumb it that? Alcohol is what was making me sick but the thought came into my mind to use it to make me feel better. It completely dumbfounds me how my brain can work that way. I wonder if it is like a heroine user who has to have their fix to feel better. They have to get that drug into their body bc they are so addicted to it. They physically and mentally won't feel better until their drug has been reintroduced to their system. I watch Intervention and I just don't understand how they can't see how stupid it is. Am I doing the same thing? The only difference is that alcohol is a legal, advertised, socially accepted, almost expected, romanticized drug.
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addiction is weird. It is exactly the same.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was drinking I couldn't really fathom that my behaviour was hurting me and others as much as it seems it was in hindsight. I could not begin to see just how much alcohol influenced our regular life decisions.
And I see many many others making the same decisions I used to. Working the weekend around drinking, trying to decide if I was ok to drive, not accepting invitations or making plans because we were too tired.
It limited my life so badly. The freedom and possibilities that opened up once alcohol was gone are absolutely shocking and amazing. I know I can't convince you of that. But I have to try!!
I hear ya. I am really bad at honoring my commitments when I am exhausted from drinking. And I definitely plan my weekends around drinking. I have all these big plans for the summer every year and every summer it is the same thing - planning weekend drinking, weekend drinking, recovering from weekend drinking.
DeleteAnd please don't stop trying - don't give up on me - I appreciate every single comment you write and the time you take to write it.
DeleteYou might want to read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace, Alcohol Explained by William Porter, and/or Kick the Drink... Easily by Jason Vale. It's EXACTLY like a heroin user who has to have the fix to feel better.
ReplyDeleteI really want to read The Naked Mind. I read The Easy Way to Quit Drinking and it really opened my eyes. I am very analytical and like facts. It made me see what alcohol was actually doing to me physically to make me be addicted.
DeleteYes, you are doing the same thing; it is exactly like the heroin user. And you are also right that there are additional factors that work against alcohol addicts getting clean - at least no one expects heroin users to be able to use responsibly. They don't have to defend their choice to get clean. Life sucks sometimes, even most of the time. Best of luck.
ReplyDeleteI wish alcohol was socially shunned the way nicotine seems to be now. I quit smoking 25 years ago and would never consider smoking again. Partly bc it is socially unacceptable and I would feel stupid.
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ReplyDeleteJust had the same conversation with someone else, Why do we drink when we know we feel better when we don't? We decided that it's an evil spell, that's the only way to explain it. The good news is we have power over the spell, all we have to do is not drink.
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