Last night I think I truly understood this phrase. I has a glass of wine...that wasn't doing it....had another...still wasn't working...was getting grumpy and tired....had my favorite IPA beer next...all of a sudden I got the buzz I had been chasing and I heard my voice inside my head say, "There you are...that's better." Then I had another. It was kind of weird to hear myself say that to myself. Almost like I needed it. I needed to feel that buzz to have a good time. I really did feel like I was chasing something that I couldn't quite catch, and when I caught it it was such a relief - my whole insides just relaxed and I could hear myself say, "Yup, this is it. This is why I drink. This feels good." It was a little like an out of body experience. If that's not addiction, I don't know what is.
That's a little scary...maybe a lot scary...
I definitely relate. Last night I had two glasses of wine and never really felt the buzz. What I did feel was just an immediate click off for my brain, a shortcut to what felt like relaxation without necessarily being fun. Tonight I'll be gong to an outdoor concert and hoping to relax without shutting down the best part of me. I can do that without the alcohol, it just takes a little longer.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly how it feels for me -- that sudden "ahhh." I'm there, I'm relaxed, I feel good.
ReplyDelete